


What If I Said?

by HoneyAteez



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Boners, Drinking, Fingering, M/M, Marijuana, Oral, Overstimulation, Pining, Rimming, Sex, Tickling, dom bottom san, kind of crying?, lots of weed smoking, sup top mingi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25655977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HoneyAteez/pseuds/HoneyAteez
Summary: The one where Mingi developes a crush on his life long best friend San after they move in together. San is too bold and Mingi is too confused.Hongjoong and Seonghwa just think it’s funny to watch the two most obnoxious people in their life stumble over each other.
Relationships: Choi San/Park Seonghwa, Choi San/Song Mingi, Jung Wooyoung/Song Mingi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 146





	What If I Said?

**Author's Note:**

> Not proof read because im always drunk when I write and I'm lazy when I'm sober.

You'd think rooming with your best friend would be fun. Mingi thought that the split rent would make it easier. The freedom of drinking and smoking whenever they want would make it more appealing. The very idea of living the toughest part of your life with your best friend is supposed to be a good thing, right? Well, that's how it was _supposed_ to be. But lately Mingi has this heavy feeling in his chest.

San has absolutely no idea that over the past few months, even after years of friendship-- Mingi has maybe sort of kinda developed a crush. And he's beating himself up over it, because _really? San?_ Of all people, out of all of the years they've known each other he's _never_ had a nagging attraction to him. But now suddenly seeing him every day, watching him drink too much and pass out on the kitchen floor has really done a number on our boy Mingi.

He averts his eyes most of the time, because they're supposed to be comfortable with each other. And San does tend to forget his towel every single time he showers. Which just so happens to be around the same time he is sitting at the kitchen table studying-- with a clear view of the hallway to the bathroom.

It's torture really, to suddenly look at someone you've known for so long in such a way. So many fears come with it. Deep down he thinks San would be open about it. They kind of kissed once but it was a dare and they both were absolutely wasted. Even after that there was no awkwardness and no attraction. Mingi felt nothing, San felt nothing. They were just not willing to lose a dare. But he still feels a lot of fear at the very idea of even suggesting to his best friend that he thinks he's. . . y'know. _kinda hot._

The issue is that, he is terrified of losing his best friend. What if he and San _do_ end up fooling around and nothing comes of it? Will it be awkward? Will they part ways and never talk again? What if San refuses? What if they end up fooling around often? Not that he would mind that, but it weighs so heavy on his mind. Is fucking his best friend worth losing the friendship?

Even with all of that on his mind, it's not like he doesn't know San has been with his fair share of men. And likewise for him. What if San feels betrayed that suddenly he's his new lust interest?

He hopes it's just a phase.

But as the days pass, small things San does stands out more to him. Even small details on his body are standing out to him. He's seen San naked hundreds of times. And he was never phased. He wouldn't even feel the need to glance down just to “ _see”._ But now he panics when San comes out of his room stark naked, because in San's mind, who honestly cares? Lately it hasn't been too much of an issue though, because he simply stays in his room when San decides to shower to avoid the feeling of wanting to see.

San does eventually notice the way Mingi fixes his eyes on him, during quiet moments as they're out on the patio smoking a joint, or when he's sleeping in and Mingi has to come in and pull him out of his bed. He can't say he isn't curious about it. But honestly, this is Mingi they're talking about. The guy who can shove an entire pizza down his throat in ten minutes, and then announce that he's about to take a “monster dump”.

~

“What do you mean?” San questions, sitting himself up on the couch and eyeing Mingi down.

“You're leaving me?”

“God, don't look at me that way. I'll never get out the front door.” Mingi sighs, leaning down and grabbing a pillow and throwing it directly into San's face.

“So you _are_ leaving me?!” San laughs out with an “ _oof_ ” as the pillow hits him.

“Oh my god, I'm going to be gone for like an hour. Besides I'm bringing lunch back for both of us.” Mingi pauses. “Stop causing a scene you whiny bitch.”

San laughs at him, cradling the pillow he was just assaulted with in his arms.

“Bring me back something good, I'm going to smoke while you're gone.”  
Mingi tilts his head, considering the fact that he could totally smoke before he leaves, but opts not to. Mostly because he can feel pretty awkward and even uncomfortable in public while high.

“Save some for me for when I get back.”

“Sir, that depends on what you bring me back to eat.” San gets off the couch and is headed towards the “stash area” in the kitchen. He pulls out a lighter, a bag, and a pack of rolling papers.

“I bought it this time, you'd better earn your place with this fat joint I'm about to roll.”

Mingi nods in response, already planning out that his day is absolutely going to be spent on the couch eating greasy food and watching shitty shows with his best friend.

He wasn't gone for long as expected. And out of all of the food choices to bring home, he brought a very large assortment of fast food from _several_ places. Along with the beer and milk- he also brought a few snacks that San tends to crave when he's stoned out of his mind.

Walking back into the apartment, Mingi sets his bags down as he eyes the room for San. He can see the sliding door to the balcony open, knowing San is probably up in the clouds at this point. He looks down at the plethora of fast food. Chicken nuggets, french fries, mini burger sliders, fried shrimp, hell- he even got a family size order of mozzarella sticks. He shakes his head-- he _really_ went to like four different fast food places because they're both unhealthy fucks that _always_ talk about buying everything from everywhere when they've got the munchies.

So he puts away the milk and beer, and he starts un-bagging the fast food and placing it on the table as if he's playing a puzzle game. There is plenty of room on the table, but he's assembled it closer to San's usual seat because his arms are short and he's sick of having to clean up the crumbs left behind from the man who doesn't know how to grab food properly.

After putting his hands on his hips and looking down at the buffet of cholesterol he's ordered for the two of them, he thinks it's about time to get some of that “fat joint” San rolled up when he left. And just as he's about to call out for him, he hears him.

 _Is that?_ – _Is he in MY room?_ Mingi thinks, hearing San groan from a direction that isn't familiar to him. It's not that they aren't allowed in each other's rooms, it's just that it's unusual to be in someone else's room while they're gone?

He toes his way down the hallway and can see that his bedroom door is open. It's not that he's doing anything suspicious right? It's not like San didn't hear him come home. He's probably just searching for the massive porn stack Mingi jokes about having but doesn't actually have-- because internet.

Upon seeing San in his room half way under his bed, ass in the air, he takes a deep breath in. Because wow. And when he puts his arm out to open the door further, it makes a long and loud creaking sound. (Cheap apartments usually come with flaws.) Internally groaning that he couldn't look for just a few more moments. San, who was on his knees and half way under Mingi's bed, was startled. He jumps, hitting his head on the bottom of Mingi's bed frame.

“Jesus fuck! You could've just said “ _Hey honey! I'm home!”_ San cries out, shimmying out from under the bed and rubbing the newly formed knot on his scalp.

Mingi says nothing. Because he just saw San in a position that he's seen numerous times, but this time he just kind of-- stared at his ass the entire time. From the point of opening the door, to hearing his little “ _Ah!”_ when he hit his head. He doesn't even care why he's in the room. In fact, he can stay here.

“Honey, I'm home.” Mingi chokes back a little. Because honestly this is ridiculous. He see's his best friend high as shit, on his knees, and half way under his bed and it's like he's suddenly a horny kid chasing that first orgasm with another person. In other words, he's blushing.

San-- bless him-- doesn't notice a thing. Sitting on Mingi's floor, eyes glassy and hair sticking up.

“Before you ask, I dropped an air pod and it rolled under your bed.” San says with a finger in the air, trying not to laugh because of the way Mingi looks with his hand's clasped in front of him. He looks like a father who is about to scold him, honestly.

“And before you ask how _my_ air pod was dropped under _your_ bed.” San smiles. “I was in your room because the main lighter stopped working and your room was closer to me than my room, so--”

“Fair enough.” Mingi nods to him with a smile, feeling his blush slowly drain away. But he knows he's got a semi in his pants, so for the time being his hands will remain clasped in front.

“So, can I smoke now? I bought a fucking load of food, as well as some snacks for later. They're on the table in the kitchen.”

~

Mingi had walked outside with the joint. San definitely smoked quite a bit of it before the lighter went out. He can hear San at the table listening to his music and saying “Oh hell yeah” the moment he found the mozzarella sticks. Mingi pats himself on the back, he did good.

He is quick to smoke, taking in long drags and resisting the urge to cough a few times. The joint still isn't done by the time he's satisfied with the amount he's smoked. It really is a fat joint, they'll have to finish it off later or something.

“You really out did yourself Mingi.” San says, mouth full of food.

After closing the door Mingi dutifully places the joint into the stash drawer and sits himself down at the table across from San.

“I know I did.” He says casually, already being hungry from not eating a single thing today, he doesn't even bother to grab a plate. San didn't either but that's beside the point.

So they're sitting there, eyes red and smiling as they stuff their mouths full of food.

“Holy shit!” Mingi shouts out. “I forgot to get drinks!” His mouth is dry from the fries, not surprisingly as this fast food place is hit or miss with them usually. Not to mention cotton mouth doesn't help.

“Didn't you buy beer?” San questions, nodding towards the refrigerator.

Without a second thought he's pushing himself back in his chair and grabbing two beers. San's eyes light up.

“Aww, you brought me one?” He makes grabby hands at the beer. Very greasy grabby hands.

“No, they're both for me~” Mingi jokes back, acting as if he's hoarding the two bottles under his arms, but he very quickly opens and sits one down in front of the smaller man.

“So this is what today is gonna be, huh?” San questions, taking a big sip of his drink. “It's barely four in the afternoon and we're already throwing our lives away.”

Mingi pauses, taking his own sip of the beer. “Yep--” And he was about to say something not at all as witty back but San speaks up again.

“That's okay, we both have been studying so much. I think we deserve to fry our brain cells for a day.”

And honestly, everything San says is so funny to Mingi now. Before he never even attempted to laugh at his jokes, or give in to his ego. Because San is lame. Like the actual lamest person he's ever met. But also-- he's kind of funny. And kind of cute. .

He laughs at San, and pauses to look at him as he gruesomely devours the food in front of him. Most people would cringe at the sight of two men absolutely fried out of their minds, shoveling food into their mouths. But San is charming. It's charming in the way he wipes the crumbs off of his chin with the sleeve of his shirt. Leaving a mess of crumbs in his seat for Mingi to clean later.

“We deserve to fry our brain cells for just today?” Mingi finally questions, and San looks up at him.

“Tomorrow too.” San says back.

“What about the next day?”

“Yep.”

And they both laugh for a moment, looking at each other.

“We are failures and our parents will be ashamed of us.” Mingi says, this time taking a hefty gulp of his beer.

“Abso-fucking-lutely.” San says back, lifting himself up to tip Mingi's beer bottle back a little more, forcing him to drink more than intended.

“But at least we can be failures together.” He adds, watching the way Mingi looks at him under hooded eyes, focusing on drinking more of the beer he's practically forcing down his throat.

San studies his face for a moment, keeping his fingertips in place on the bottle tipped against Mingi's lips. And then suddenly a cough, and beer dribbling out of the sides of his mouth.

“Shit, sorry!” San laughs, sitting back down and throwing a napkin he's already used at him.

“What the _actual--_ ” Mingi coughs. “ _Fuck_ was that?”

San just smiles that smile at him, dimples prominent and eyes nearly closed.

“I don't know, you looked like you needed to get drunk with all of that “ _we are failures”_ talk.”

Mingi wonders if it's one of those days. The existential dread days. Where he sits alone in his room and stares at the wall for several hours wondering what life would be like if he did something different, or what would happen tomorrow. Or how embarrassing his first time was with his ex. But he's feeling good for now, and San is usually pretty good at pulling him out of one of those highs by being cute, or making him watch a shitty movie with him. He appreciates him a lot.

“Well, since you just forced me to drink an entire beer, and half of it is on my shirt-- I think _you_ should go get me another one.”

San takes a hefty gulp of his own drink. Suddenly wanting to feel at least a little tipsy before they smoke again later. Knowing that all of this food will end in a stomach ache if he doesn't smoke more. Maybe it's an excuse, maybe it's scientifically proven to soothe a stomach ache. Who knows?

“Couldn't have said it better myself. I'll get you one~” He says, wiping his hands on his sweatpants and sauntering into the kitchen to grab another beer for the both of them. Even if he hasn't even finished his yet.

“So--” San says as he struggles to get the cap off of the bottles.

“We getting fucked up and watching scary movies tonight?”

“I don't see why not.” Mingi shrugs, starting to clean up the table. Stomach feeling full and outer space sitting behind his eyes.

“Might as well enjoy it before we have a full house tomorrow, yeah?” San questions, wondering why Mingi is being a little bit short today. Not having noticed at all before.

“Yeah,” Mingi hums out, not bothering to put the food away because surely they'll both be picking over it throughout the day. “When do you wanna watch?”

San tilts his head, bringing the beer over to the living room coffee table, patting the seat next to him.

“Right now. Movie marathon. You, Me, Mary Jane, and “ San pauses and quirks his eyebrow. “S-...Sir Yuengling?”

Mingi snorts at him, because honestly. How fucking lame.

“Sounds like a plan to me.” He laughs, sitting down in the further seat from him. Because he's in the mood to spread out and quite possibly shove San into the floor so he can take a quick nap. Because no one can nap with San on the same couch or bed with them.

“Stop being so weird today. . “ San says, focusing on starting up netflix or hulu-- or whatever has the best horror movies on it.

“Weird? How am I being weird?” Mingi questions, kicking his foot into San's leg. Because honestly, he's already spread out and taking up most of the damn couch.

“You're barely talking today-- usually I feel the need to carry around socks to shove into your mouth just to get you to shut the fuck up.”

“I could say the same about you, asshole.” And they're both still laughing. But Mingi feels a slight worry, wondering if he really is acting differently. From the semi hard on he got just from seeing him on the floor earlier, to San intently watching him gulp an entire bottle of beer. He does feel a little off.

“No but really. . .” San looks at him seriously for a moment. “Is everything okay?”

“Don't get all serious on me, it's just one of those days, y'know? ”

San goes back to sifting through all of the movies they could watch, and then looks back at Mingi.

“We haven't cuddled in a while. I think you need some love.” He says matter of factly, and Mingi would be lying if he said he didn't feel a bit nervous about it. They've always been close, clingy, and even questionably touchy to the outside world. But it was all platonic.

Is it still platonic now? To San maybe. To Mingi though? He isn't quite sure.

Without another word, San tosses the remote over to Mingi, grabs both beers, hands one to Mingi and just looks at him.

“Let's drink and try to relax today.” He says, trying his best to help Mingi through the day. It's never dramatic or anything, but sometimes he does get down. Maybe a little too into his head.

“Sounds like a plan.” Mingi says back in a melancholy tone, drinking his beer and lifting up one arm to allow San in next to him.

They've been sifting through movies for almost forty five minutes. Opinions clashing on the type they should watch. Ghosts? Demonic possession? Serial killers? Physiological thrillers? Vampires? Zombies?

After arguing about which movie for what seemed like an hour more, they settled on the same movie they always end up watching when it comes to horror. And it's really not even horror. It's just _sad._

“Train to Busan marathon. Let's break our record and watch it four times in one night this time!” San laughs, still perched under Mingi's arm. Mingi is half lying down, but San managed to find a perfect space for him to nuzzle into.

“Do you want me to sit up? You look uncomfortable.” Mingi questions, seeing the way San has his legs pulled up to his chest, and he's resting his chin on his knee. He looks at Mingi as if he has no idea what he's talking about.

“Nah, you can lay down. I might lay down in a few too. But before the movie starts to actually get good- I'm thinking about smoking more.”

Mingi nods, because hell yeah.

~

After finishing off the joint, Mingi stayed outside for a bit longer. Just kind of thinking about what he can do about this situation. Living with someone you have a growing attraction to is fucking _hard._ San is prompted to stay outside with him, just looking out at the shitty view of the lower end of the city they live in.

After a few moments, San senses that he's being looked at, and he glances over at Mingi who very quickly looks away.

“What's up?” San says to him with a smile, pinching his arm.

“Ah--” Mingi groans, rubbing the spot he pinched. “Nothing, just really high~” He adds, slouching in his seat and letting his head fall back and breathe in the thick air of the city.

“It smells like shit out here.” He grimaces.

“Let's go back inside.” San says, pulling him up by his arms. “Might've let yourself smoke a little more than usual today.”

Mingi shakes his head. “I can literally out-smoke you, shut up.”

“Fair enough. But that doesn't explain why you're acting like a wet napkin right now.”

Mingi finally stands up, and just kind of leans into him. “Yeah, I don't know why I'm acting like this either.”

San shakes it off, telling himself that later on when they're sober, he should ask again what's on his mind. Mingi is good at brushing stuff off, but when things stick he's _terrible_ at hiding how he feels.

“Come on-” San says in a sweeter tone, feeling the weight of Mingi against him. It's been a while since he's been clingy like this.

“You're cute ~” San says to try and lighten the mood. “I like when you're clingy.”

“Oh yeah?” Mingi says in surprise. “Is that sarcasm?” He pulls back, straightening himself up and stepping back into the apartment.

“No~ I'm serious. It makes me feel loved.” San says, trailing inside after him.

Mingi feels a bit of a spike in his heart rate. San knows he's loved, but he's got a past with some guys too. Mingi ultimately being the one there to make him feel like he's worth more than a guy who cheated on him, or like he wasn't worthless to his family or friends.

They've got a long history, and have been through so much together. Why does it have to be ruined by sudden _feelings_.

“You know you're loved.” Mingi says to him, plopping down on the couch and groaning when he realizes he forgot to grab his beer beforehand.

“Yeah, I know. But it's nice to feel it physically sometimes.” San hums, grabbing his beer for him and handing it to him. “Now let's stop being gross and watch this movie.”

“Gross?!” Mingi questions in fake shock.

“We both get too mushy sometimes, people will think things.” San says, taking a drink of his own bottle.

“They've always thought things--” He responds, watching the way San's lips wrap around the tip of the bottle. He gulps. “Fuck what people think.”

“Yeah,” San says between sips. “We wouldn't be living together if we cared.”

“And we wouldn't have been yelled at by those weird church protesters the other day.” Mingi starts to feel a little better. A little more comfortable thinking of San this way. Because they've done way worse stuff without the feelings attached. Just-- play it cool. Mingi. Play it cool. Try not to act like you're turned on when he drinks his beer. Don't do it. This is normal behavior between the two of you.

“And I wouldn't have purposely grabbed your ass while we walked away from them.” San says, staring directly at Mingi. Noticing how his eyes are fixated on his lips.

“Hey--” San says with a short pause.”Why're you staring at me so much lately? You got a crush on me or something?”

Mingi practically chokes. Act _normal_. Then again, what even _is_ normal between the two of them?

“Don't flatter yourself, I can do way better than you!” Mingi yells at him, voice a pitch higher than he intended.

“Fair enough--” San takes another drink, making sure to take his time. He watches Mingi and for a split second he saw his eyes dart down.

“Aha! See! You're--” He narrows his eyes, leaning closer towards the taller man. “ _thinking things._ ”

Mingi shakes his head vigorously. “Nope! Absolutely not. Out of the question.” But San is being a cocky little shit, proud of himself for getting Mingi all flustered over nothing.

“I'm joking you idiot, drink your beer instead of watching me drink mine—weirdo~”

San wasn't joking. He's noticed. And he's not against it. Sure maybe he has a bit too much confidence, other times not so much. But with Mingi, his confidence is at a healthy level. He hopes that if he was-- y'know-- curious or something he could just ask.

In the back of his mind, for years San has always kind of wondered how it would be. To genuinely be kissed by him or touched by him. To have real feelings there, or even a relationship. But it's never come up in conversation because Mingi never once showed an interest. Even during the phase right out of high school where San genuinely considered suggesting they try something-- just to see where it would lead.

But even then San didn't want to push. Didn't want to ruin the friendship. So he let it go, but still in the back of his mind are tons of “what ifs”. They get along so well, they've always been close, always been comfortable. How would it _not_ work out? At least on San's end, he's always been open to the idea of being with Mingi in whatever way the situation called for. Even a bit enthusiastic with the idea. But they're best friends, and again, Mingi had never shown an interest in the slightest until recently it seems. And San will be damned if he doesn't find out if it's true or not.

So far, even just the blushing, the longer than usual looks in his direction, and even the way Mingi stutters a little bit towards him is proof enough. But how can he get him to admit it?

He can't imagine how he must feel if he _does_ have an irking curiosity about it. Because San has had that feeling for years, and never acted due to the fear of losing a friend he loves dearly. But if they're both on the same boat here-- what is there to lose?

San wants to make a point to be more touchy with Mingi. Just to see. But he also hopes he's not just boosting his own ego to think he is interested. If it turns out that there is nothing there, he can easily pretend like this never happened. Because to someone without feelings, they can easily see it as a regular interaction by friends who are far too touchy and always have been. But to someone who has a curiosity, a feeling-- they tend to react differently. Normal moments you'd have before suddenly feel more intimate. And that's how it's been lately. He likes it. He likes the jumping feeling in his stomach, and wonders when the fuck Mingi got so shy.

~

For the first half of the movie, they laid together. San was sitting at first, eventually looking over at Mingi who was once again already looking at him. He didn't shy away when San laid partially beside him. Propping himself up on his arm and pulling Mingi's arm over him.

“Is this okay?” San would say, not fully knowing why he even asked. They've laid like this before plenty of times. Mingi would nod at him and they'd go back to watching the movie in the close spooning position.

Eventually though, Mingi is swearing at himself because of the way San has himself positioned. And it's all very cliché. You know, backing your ass up into someone to get a rise out of them-- all that garbage. San isn't doing that exactly, but Mingi wants him to. Anticipating for when San adjusts himself or lifts up to grab another drink of his beer. He knows it will happen, and what the fuck is Mingi supposed to do then? How is he supposed to hide his shame when it's so obviously poking into the back of the smaller man? Hm? How?

Thankfully, whatever god above is on his side because towards the climax of the movie San simply pulls himself up and sits there, with Mingi slightly rolling forward and towards him due to the sudden imbalance of the couch cushions.

“I'm gonna grab another beer, do you want one?” San asks, pausing the movie. Mingi looks at his bottle, nearly empty and nods his head.

“Bring two for me.” Mingi adds with full intention to chug the first one. Because he's watched most of this movie already and has only gone through two beers the entire day. San said they're gonna get wasted, this is far from wasted. “Two for you too. Let's chug one before _that_ part.”

San lifts an eyebrow. “Oh! _That_ part.” He laughs as he stands up to head into the kitchen, and Mingi notices how his shirt slightly rides up and exposes a bit of his hip. “Yeah, _that part.”_

Mingi feels like everything is brand new right now. Out of the massive amounts of porn he's watched, out of all of the men and even women he's slept with-- he's never gotten this flustered over such a small thing. He feels pathetic.

“You know--” San says with a raised voice from the kitchen. “I saw you crying last time we watched _that_ part. You gonna cry again?” And he's teasing him.

“NO!”Mingi retorts. Feeling embarrassed for some reason.

“You sure bout that?” San questions again, handing Mingi an open beer and placing the other on the table.

“Well--” Mingi puts the bottle up to his lips. “No.”

“I wont let you cry this time.” San comments with a smirk, taking a small sip of his drink and again putting his fingertips to Mingi's bottle, pressing it up so he starts drinking.

“You said we are going to chug it.” He shrugs his shoulders at Mingi's questionable look, beginning to chug his own drink.

And then the room goes silent, nothing but the sound of downing the liquid stupidity together as they attempt to stumble around the situation that they've seemed to find themselves in.

Mingi finished his first, proudly setting the bottle on the table and grabbing the full beer sitting next to it..

“I could always out drink you too.” He says in a playful tone, already taking a long gulp. San groans into his drink, still attempting to chug it without letting back for a breath.

He closes his eyes as he focuses on finishing the last bit of his beer, and Mingi fixes his gaze on his lips once again. The dimple on his cheek showing with each gulp, and the way he seems to take in so much at once – and – _fuck._

Mingi stops himself from looking, he's honestly never been so horny for someone in his entire life. God, he can't even enjoy some beers with him because his brain keeps turning the bottle into a dick. Shameful, Mingi. Shameful.

“Done.” San says with a deep breath, slamming his bottle onto the table and wiping his mouth. “And for the record, you can only out drink me because I'm smaller and it takes more beer for _you_ to get drunk.” He turns to look at him with a glare in his eye. “So, drink.”

Mingi obeys him, keeping the bottle near his lips for easy access.

San presses play again and makes a mental note of how much Mingi is actually drinking, soon forgetting about keeping tab as the movie is nearly making him cry himself.

It wasn't long before he felt Mingi nudging him with his now empty bottle of beer, and giving him a look of “please give me another one.” Instead of getting up, San takes a quick sip of his own and then hands the bottle over to Mingi. He is rewarded with a small “Thanks.”

San hadn't laid back down yet, instead opting to sit with Mingi's legs kind of thrown over him. He can tell the bigger man is at least a little bit tipsy, wondering if he should just bring the whole batch of beer into the living room. He decides he will. Because now he's got nothing to drink and Mingi is _truly_ downing these beers.

Without a word he quickly runs to the kitchen and just grabs the whole case of beer and drops it right on the floor in front of the couch. And it's not like he has any motives or anything. They're always getting wasted and challenging each other to how much more they can drink. But for some reason he is finding joy in the way Mingi is loosening up.

He's kind of excited to see where things go, even if it doesn't happen tonight, or tomorrow, or next week. But there's no doubt about it now. Mingi is interested at least a _tiny_ bit. Why else would he constantly be staring at San? God he's so bad at hiding it.

San is very fond of his stupidly obvious friend. Who stumbles over his words suddenly, and whose ears become red along with his cheeks each time they make eye contact. Drunk Mingi can't hide shit from him. He never has been able to, and he never will. San knows him too well. But he wont push.

And just a few beers in Mingi later, he's feeling good. Body tingling as he prepares himself for _that_ part of the movie. He managed to get past the scene where the baby finally gets it's name without crying, but goddamn this is going to be tough.

San is already gearing up, knowing damn well he wont watch what's about to happen in the movie. Because every single time he's on the verge of tears and has to point out Mingi's tears first so he feels like less of a wimp. But then-- he already hears a sniffle.

“Mingi?” San questions playfully. “ You're already crying! It hasn't even happened yet!” And Mingi just looks at him with wide eyes, and he parts his lips for a breath.

“I know what's about to happen, I can't help it. . “ And if the situation weren't so stupid and cute San would genuinely think Mingi's heart had just been shattered by a life long love.

“I can help it though.” And with that, San immediately averts his attention fully to Mingi, poking his soft spots.

Immediately Mingi is kicking at him, shouting to “ _stop! This is serious!”._ San can't help but laugh at this big floppy dope with tears in his eyes trying not to smile as he fights back.

“Oh? It's serious huh?” San continues, standing up and immediately pouncing on top of him to hold him down. “I told you, I wouldn't let you cry today!” San dramatically cries out. “I've already failed!”

Mingi feels miserably pleased. Already drunk, eyes blurred from not only coming down from his high but _crying_. He kind of feels safe right now. But also he hates being tickled, so this _has_ to stop. San's fingers are digging into his sides, moving all along his body and he can't fucking _breathe._ He's laughing against his will, he's crying on purpose, he's drunk, and-- _shit. Oh shit._

Mingi goes into panic mode, easily overpowering San when he pulls himself up and shoves him off. Because feeling San's ass press down directly on his dick was a bit too much to handle. And with all of the moving and wrestling to get away from his fingers- it was really just making it worse.

The position changes quickly, Mingi holds San beneath him in place, and the way San's smile drops and he just stares up at him is actually making the situation _worse._ He's trying to avoid getting hard, not flaunting it while holding him down.

Too late.

“So. . “ San says, glancing down at the obvious bulge in Mingi's pants that is pressed firmly against his own leg.

“So. . “ Mingi, at a loss for words, copies him. A light blush spreading across his face as the room starts to spin.

San can feel Mingi's grip on his hands still holding him in place, they don't move. They look at each other for a bit longer and San can see that Mingi wants to say something. Without a thought, San wiggles a little under his grip, feeling overwhelmed by the situation, feeling warm, his stomach is fluttering. But that small movement pulls a sound out of Mingi's throat he wasn't expecting. San almost moans back in response. But just as quickly as it happened, Mingi loosens his grip and pulls away from him.

“What-” San tries to talk first, but Mingi interrupts.

“I'm just drunk, sorry if that was weird.” Mingi is looking at his hands, and then grabbing his beer to finish it off.

“It wasn't weird, we do these kinds of things all the time!” San tries to save the situation, not ever wanting his best friend to feel ashamed.

But they both know it's a lie. Never once have they experienced something that was actually _intimate_. With something behind it. Never once were they ever even jokingly sexual together without friends around or to put a show on to offend church goers. There was always a motive behind their antics when it came to those kinds of things. But-- what was the motive this time?

“Yeah--” Mingi tries to laugh out, losing all interest in the movie and just wanting to close in on himself. He really just-- he really moaned with his dick pressed into his best friend. He's _embarrassed_. “I think I'm gonna call it a night. I'll see you in the morning.”

And without another word he leaves the room and San is suddenly alone. Ears buzzing, he instantly goes to the stash drawer and rolls up another joint. This one is much smaller, but just as enjoyable as he takes the first hit.

He feels overwhelmed, but certainly more chill about it than Mingi. After all he wasn't the one with the boner. But he thinks he may have been the one who didn't want it to stop. He doesn't even know why he moved. It's not like he didn't like the grip on him, or the way Mingi was almost staring into him.

The look in Mingi's face, the heat of the moment, all of it. San really thought everything was going to be cleared up through it. But he just _had_ to move. He just _had_ to send a sensation through Mingi's body that wouldn't allow him to hold back even the smallest amount of pleasure from his throat. And now Mingi is probably sitting in his room totally mortified.

A few puffs into his joint, he tells himself he is going to go to Mingi's room and try to talk to him about it. At the very least say something stupid to make him laugh, or feel like nothing has changed.

Unfortunately he didn't get to, because Mingi was already asleep by the time he tried.

~

The day flew by and all of the guys showed up for the get together. San and Mingi had been meaning to get everyone together again, and it's finally happening. Nothing was said about last night between the two. Almost as if it never happened, but San still feels the weight of Mingi's hands pinning him down, and he still feels butterflies in his stomach when he thinks about it. Yet, today feels the same as always. Mingi isn't acting weird, he's not stealing glances anymore either. If anything it seems like he is _avoiding_ eye contact. But aside from that, it's all the same. And it stays that way until everyone shows up.

Around seven in the evening the last person shows up. And honestly Mingi wasn't expecting he would show considering he's never active in the group chat and rarely picks up his phone.

“Seonghwaaa~~” San yells out, practically throwing himself at the man.

Most of them were already feeling a little tipsy, having drank two to three beers of their own. Jongho chilling in the corner just kind of watching everyone, happy he was invited considering he's the newest addition to the group.

“Hi babe.” Seonghwa says with a smile, planting a kiss to the top of San's mess of hair. And Mingi watches a bit irked. Like yeah, those two have always had this weird thing going on. It never bothered him before, but the fact that Seonghwa will just show up and absolutely sweep San off of his feet for _no goddamn reason_ aside from having a bit of fun. He finds himself wondering why they don't just date if they're gonna act like this.

San smiles up at Seonghwa, and remains glued to his side as he drags him over to the table to pick his beer. Seonghwa glances back at Mingi with a face like “ _here we go again.”_ , and Mingi shrugs back trying to be as nonchalant as possible in this situation. Especially after what happened last night. He's trying his best to pretend nothing happened, nothing has changed, and he absolutely _does not_ have feelings for San. Keyword. He's _trying._

“What's up with you?” Mingi is startled by a soft voice and an elbow nudging him in the side. By the voice he can tell it's Hongjoong.

Wh--” Mingi stutters in a joking tone. “Who just said that?!” He continues, looking clear over Hongjoong's head as if he doesn't see him.

“Oh, fuck you.” Hongjoong grimaces with a hand on his hip, nudging Mingi harder in the side.

“Oh! Thank god, it's just you.” Mingi finally looks down at him, and smiles. “Thought we had a fucking ghost or something.”

Hongjoong smiles up at him, realizing it's been several months since he'd last seen his favorite person. Mingi isn't talking much like he usually would though, and he seems to have a constant furrow in his brow.

“Really though, what's up with you?”

“What do you mean?” Mingi asks, looking into the room full of messy and tipsy men. Avoiding San and Seonghwa sitting on top of each other. He takes a drink of his beer and finally connects his eyes with Hongjoong again. “Im just chilling, what's up with you?”

“Whatever you say. But I know you better than you think.” Hongjoong replies, taking a drink of his own.

“That sounds a little stalkerish.” Wooyoung jumps into the conversation, grabbing a beer, and is immediately back in the living room.

“He's right, you're stalking me aren't you?” Mingi laughs, and once again gets a nudge in the side.

“Actually I've been learning how to bug phones. . So”

Mingi just looks at him wide eyed. And they both immediately laugh. “I missed you a lot.” Mingi says with a laugh. Fondly remembering how at one point, he and Hongjoong were like brothers.

“But to be honest with you, yeah, I guess I'm bad at hiding when something's going on though.”

Hongjoong takes another sip of his beer and flicks his head towards the sliding door. And Mingi internally groans knowing he has to walk directly past whatever tangled mess San and Seonghwa are currently forming together on the couch.

“Yeah, let me grab a bowl real quick.”

“Jesus Mingi, I didn't say I wanted to smoke your weed.” Hongjoong looks at him as if he's disappointed. “You really think I came here to mooch off of you?” And with that, he's pulling out his own little bag of weed.

“Let's go.”

Hongjoong was quick to roll up a blunt. Peach flavored, which was always their favorite. The smell alone brings back so many memories of them, San included. And after a few puffs Mingi can sense the questions coming by the look on Hongjoong's face.

“I know, I know.” Mingi starts. “You can tell when something's up- but you wont believe me when I tell you.”

“Try me.” Hongjoong says as he holds in his hit, releasing shortly after. His eyes are already hooded, but he knows what he's doing.

“You can't tell anyone. No matter how much we drink or smoke tonight--” Mingi panics a little. “Don't meddle, don't involve yourself. Let me deal with it alone okay?”

Hongjoong takes another hit before passing the blunt to Mingi. He lazily watches him, and the way he's stumbling over himself. He can tell he is nervous.

“That depends on what you tell me, Mingi--” Hongjoong leans towards him. “Like if you're hurting yourself or in a bad situation I can't really just sit here--” Mingi is shaking his head at him.

“No, it's nothing like that. It's just something I have to take care of at my own pace, so you have to promise me that everything we talk about tonight, it's between us.”

Hongjoong nods in agreement, watching Mingi take a big hit and then pass it back to him.

“I'm just going to say it.”

Hongjoong hums in response, taking a hit.

“I have feelings for San.”

And immediately he hears Hongjoong coughing up an entire lung. He kind of sits there, letting the smaller man choke himself out before speaking again. Hongjoong has tears in his eyes and a burning in his throat.

“You _what?”_

“ _How?”_

“ _San? Of all people?”_

Mingi just sits and listens to Hongjoong's initial reaction.

“ _San? The San? The one who fucked the bride's brother at your cousin's wedding?!”_

He can do nothing but nod. “ _Yep, that's the one.”_

“Wait, you're serious?” Hongjoong says, finally giving the blunt back to Mingi.

“Yeah, I think I am. And like--” He takes a breath. “It's a new thing. Like it hasn't been long but it's happening really fast, yknow?”

“Because you're living together now.” Hongjoong adds.

“Exactly.”

“So. . .” Hongjoong scratches his head. “Does he know?”

“No!” Mingi is quick to respond, but his voice breaks a bit. “I mean, I don't think so--”

“You don't _think_ so?”

And damn him for always asking questions, for getting a full story. Fuck you Hongjoong.

Mingi just looks at him, eyes hooded and glazed over.

“Something happened.”

Just as Hongjoong perks up to get the juicy details, they hear the sliding door slam open and a high pitched voice.

“I smell weed!” San shouts, dragging Seonghwa and Yeosang behind him.

“Yes. But-” Hongjoong says, putting out the blunt and putting it in his pocket.

“This blunt is for aspiring rappers only.”

San pouts, and looks behind him at Yeosang who is very clearly having a good time.

“Yeo, can you grab the bag from the second drawer on the left hand side by the stove, please?”

“You're a rude little shit, you know that?” Seonghwa says as he ruffles Hongjoong's hair.

“I know.” He says back matter-of-factly. “Get your own weed, bitch.”

San perks up at that. “What do you think Yeosang is doing right now?” And with all of the chaos, Mingi is just left sitting there looking at the ground. He's pulled out quickly by San throwing himself into his lap.

“Ahh-- uhh” Mingi tries to make a joke, tries to say anything but he's high as hell and has no idea why the fuck San is in his lap right now.

“Thank's for giving me a break, bro.” Seonghwa leans down and whispers _loudly_ into Mingi's ear, earning him a slap to the side of the head by San. “I'm not done with you yet.” San adds with the slap and turning back to Mingi.

“How do you feel?” San asks softly, patting Mingi's cheek.

“Not as good as you apparently.”

“Here, drink!” And he hands him a beer from the small glass table. He isn't sure whose beer it is, but whatever.

“Everyone is here, lets have a good time.” He says, and Mingi can see how wasted he already is.

“Fair enough~” Mingi hums, dropping his head back and closing his eyes. He's really fucking high. And thankfully everything that's happening is overpowering the urge to get hard again. San is in his lap. And he's not getting flustered. Nice.

Shortly after, Mingi decided to slip out of the situation and mention that he needed to pee. Hongjoong trailed behind him and followed him inside.

“Jesus, your patio is so small. I really thought it was going to collapse if we stayed out there for any longer.”

Mingi smiles at him, walking straight past the bathroom and going into his room. Hongjoong still follows.

“Stop running away, tell me what happened.”

“Joong, stop. It's really embarrassing. Please just play a drinking game with me or something before I have to go back out there.”

Meanwhile, San is outside and feeling good. He was hoping that he could get Mingi reacting when he got into his lap the way he did. But no reaction. In fact, he just got up and left him hanging.

Enter love interest Seonghwa. Or rather, lust interest. He and San had been friends for about as long and he and Mingi. But things with Seonghwa always got heated quickly. Calling each other up during lonely nights, never feeling an attached emotion other than being thankful for each other when it comes to release.

In reality San couldn't imagine dating someone like him. It's not that he's not his type. They're just-- they're very different. But they enjoy each other in ways most people are ashamed to admit. They're not shameful. They have no attachment. They've gone a long time without touching each other, and more often than not they're just hanging out like regular dude bros. Except tonight San is _flustered_. He feels like he's about to blow up.

He had mentioned to Seonghwa briefly and quietly about Mingi. And Seonghwa encouraged him to try and talk about it with him. After all, the same thing happened between the two of them at first as well. But Seonghwa was much more bold than Mingi, and just asked if they could have casual sex.

“ _But what if like. . What it turns into something more than casual sex?”_ San would ask him in a whisper. And all Seonghwa could do was shrug with a smile. “ _Guess I'd just have to find someone else. to take care of me when I need it, huh?”_

San is always thankful for Seonghwa.

~

It felt like hours had passed between Mingi and Hongjoong. Drinking and drinking, chugging, peeing multiple times, and now they're at their peak.

“So, now that I know nothing about your situation and promised not to say anything anyway--” Hongjoong slurs over his words. “You ready to go back out with the rest of the guys?”

Mingi shakes his head, incredibly dunk and feeling a bit floaty.

“He's just gonna be all over Seonghwa again.”

Hongjoong puts his hand on Mingi's shoulder, and makes an exaggerated pout face at him.

“Oh noooo~~” He says in a whine. “Seonghwa is gonna take your pretend boyfriend from youuuu!”

“Dude, stop.” Mingi glares, and Hongjoong shrugs.

“Well if you'd fucking tell me what actually happened last night maybe I'd stop teasing you.”

And so Mingi gets into it. Explaining the situation, purposely skipping over the part where he got hard and fucking _moaned_.

“Wait, that's it?” Hongjoong laughs. “San tickled you and you held him down? Seriously?” He stops and can see a look in Mingi's eye.

“Oh my god.”

“What?!” Mingi questions in panic.

“You got hard, didn't you?”

The silence alone was a good enough answer for Hongjoong. “So something _did_ happen. And what did San do?”

Mingi throws his hands up, he really can't have shit in this house.

“I don't know! He like-- he just kind of looked at it” Mingi tries to say.

“He _noticed_ it?!” Hongjoong tries not to laugh, he really does.

“Well, Yeah! It's not like. . .y'know. . The easiest thing to hide.”

“Mingi-- God dammit. Are you implying you have a big dick?”

“Yeah?! And? I'm suffering dude, help me.”

“Hmm. . . nope.” Hongjoong says with a finger in the air. “You said you're doing this on your own. So I'm going to just watch you stumble.”

Mingi looks down at the ground, fiddling his thumbs as he contemplates another beer. “I'm fucked, aren't I?”

“I mean, hopefully.” Hongjoong shrugs with a smile, but he gets a swift slap to the head in return. “What?! That's the end goal of this, is it not?!”

Mingi sighs out, because yeah. It kind of is. But like-- the feelings are more than just sexual attraction. At least he thinks it might be. He's very confused.

“Let's just get this night over with _please._ ” Mingi pleads, knowing he's going to have to sit there and try to not notice San all over Seonghwa.

Unfortunately that's exactly what he _doesn't_ do. Because the second he and Hongjoong step back into the living room, his eyes are darting all over looking for San. And of course he's outside smoking again. With Seonghwa. _Into_ Seonghwa.

Hongjoong nudges at Mingi with a small, “ _look away.”_ But he doesn't.

“What're they even doing?”

“You've never done it?” Wooyoung perks up from the table, Jongho and Yeosang next to him as they play some lame card game. Mingi shakes his head at him.

“I mean I've seen it being done and stuff in movies and music videos, but didn't know it was something people _actually do._ ”

“It's called shotgunning.” Hongjoong says to him, plopping his drunk self on the couch. He lets out a big sigh when he realizes the remote is literally across the room though.

Mingi's eyes fixate back to San and they're having a good time out there. Laughing, sitting all over each other. He can see the way Seonghwa looks at him too, he doesn't blame him. But he wishes he could do it too. Out of all of the times he's smoked with San, why haven't they “shotgunned”? Or is it something _too intimate_?

“Shotgunning huh?” Mingi questions, looking over to Wooyoung who shrugs.

“It's a pretty common thing I think.” He responds.

“So like, have you done it?” Mingi asks.

“Mingi, if you'd stayed outside instead of disappearing you would've seen all of us practically had a go at it.”

“God, you smoke more than all of us combined and you're seriously telling me you've never done it?” Hongjoong pipes in again, slouched into the couch and staring at the remote a little too adamantly.

“Come here.” Wooyoung says, walking past him and towards the patio.

They step outside and Mingi is so incredibly drunk, he has no idea what the fuck he just got himself into.

“San, I can't believe you live with Mingi and you really let him live his life without knowing what shotgunning is!” Wooyoung whines, grabbing the joint from Seonghwa's hands. “Especially considering you seem to enjoy it so much.”

“What's that supposed to mean?!” San retorts with a laugh, turning towards Wooyoung and not once looking up to Mingi.

“You literally had all of us shotgun you” Seonghwa interrupts.

“And what of it?” San adds. “Who wouldn't want to? I mean, look at me.”

Mingi looks towards San, whose eyes are sparkling in the dim light from the patio. And he thinks if he keeps smiling that way his face might get stuck like that. Not that he'd mind. But he's really pretty, honestly. The most pretty.

“Fair enough.” Wooyoung shrugs again. “Lets all shotgun Mingi.”

“ _All?”_ Mingi repeats in question.

“Yeah, ask the other losers if they wanna join.”

And of course every single one of them crowded back onto the patio and practically surrounds Mingi. Teasing him for having never done it, enjoying the fact that he looks utterly tortured by the very idea of getting so close and personal with all of them. During the midst of the chaos, Hongjoong had already rolled another blunt. No way in hell would that tiny half-joint last long enough for all of them to have a turn.

Hongjoong throws his arm around Mingi's neck, making him tense up and back away a bit..

“Chill, it's only weird if you make it weird.”

And with that, he's taking a hit and leaning in. Mingi barely moves, he just parts his lips and inhales the steady stream of smoke.

He tries not to think of the fact that San will have a turn too. He doesn't know what order they're going in, so it's impossible to even be fully prepared for it. He's nervous, but thankfully the alcohol in his system is keeping him calm. A lot more open, and actually a little confident. By the time Seonghwa sits down in front of him, Mingi asks if he can shotgun him instead. Seonghwa is chill with everything though, so he just nods at him with his already hooded eyes.

San watches the way Mingi naturally closes his eyes when someone gets close enough to his face, wondering if he looks this soft when he's kissing someone. He watches the way he leans into Seonghwa and blows the smoke out gently for him. He's outshining Seonghwa somehow. And he can't look away.

Watching all of their closest friends get Mingi absolutely blitzed in the most intimate of ways when it comes to smoking doesn't even phase him. Because they've all always been this way. But he still can't shake the feeling that it's different for him and Mingi. And he's excited for it to be his turn. San almost licks his lips with anticipation, seeing that Yeosang is about to stand up and take his turn.

“My turn!” San says playfully, watching the way Yeosang sits back down with a shrug. Damn right, he'd better sit his ass back down.

Instead of going over to him, he pulls Mingi towards him.

“Hi.” San whispers to him with a smile. He studies Mingi's face for a moment and realizing how fucked up he is. His eyes are flicking back and forth, and his lips remain parted, pink, and incredibly soft looking.

Hongjoong looks at the way San stares at Mingi's lips for a moment too long and has a thought.

“Ready?” San asks before he takes a long drag of the joint.

“Y-Yeah” Mingi stutters. Staring in awe at how pretty San's eyelashes suddenly are. And when they flutter open and look back at him, they don't break eye contact until Mingi's natural instinct of closing his eyes kicks in.

The steady stream of smoke starts as Mingi feels the warm breath of the smaller man enter his body. He wonders for a moment if he's really getting high off the weed or if it's San at this point. And it's all going so well, he's calm, he's confident. But of course it gets fucked up. Suddenly he feels a sharp nudge in his back causing him to fall forward. His lips connecting quickly with San's before he pulls back and starts choking. And honestly he's kind of mad because he didn't even get to _enjoy_ the feeling of San's lips.

He turns to look at who the fuck shoved him at a time like this, and sees Hongjoong standing there a little too innocently, with a shit eating grin on his face.

“Ah--” San kind of whines out. “We have to re-do it now.”

And when Mingi looks back at him wide eyed, he's blushing. They're both blushing.

“Y-yeah, I guess we have to.”

Seonghwa smirks, and shoots his eyes over to Hongjoong. He kind of mouths out “ _You know?”_ And Hongjoong only nods his head at him. Thankfully none of the others seem to notice how flustered the two men were at this.

“Spicy~” Wooyoung says, laughing out and patiently waiting for another turn. “But can you guys stop fucking around, I wanna go again.”

Mingi is pulled out of his thoughts. “Again?”

“Yeah, we gotta keep the chain going until the joint is gone--” He pauses with a hand on his hip. “Why? You don't like it?”

Mingi shakes his head in response. “No! It's not that-- I-- I just thought maybe you guys wanted to keep some of the smoke for yourself instead of giving it all to me?”

“I'm with Wooyoung on this one.” San says, patting Mingi's cheek to pull his face back towards him. “Besides, I paid for this weed. Consider it a gift.”

“Oh- um. . Okay then.” Mingi says back.

Hongjoong and Seonghwa ended up sitting together, silently giving each other knowing looks.

“Y'all have fun. Im gonna go grab another beer.” Hongjoong says.

“I'm heading back in too.” Seonghwa adds, practically pulling Jongho and Yeosang up by their collars and dragging them inside.

“Wait, I didn't even get a turn!” Yeosang argues.

“Dude, just come on.”

And with that only San, Mingi, and Wooyoung are left outside.

“More for us then.” Wooyoung comments, pulling his legs up to his chest and resting his chin on his knee. “Well? Go on then.” He adds, looking at San.

For the second time, San takes a drag and tilts his head a bit as he leans in towards Mingi. And all he can do in return is accept the smoke leaving the smaller man's lips. It's just as warm, but he can't stop thinking of that split second, feeling his lips on his own. It's different than the time before when they kissed. That was a joke, it was for fun. But now it's something he wants, and it's taking everything in him not to beg Hongjoong to come back outside and shove him again. And by the time he had inhaled the entire hit from San's lips, he holds it in as long as he can. Slowly releasing a small cloud of smoke that is almost too faded to see.

“Much better.” Mingi sighs out.

“You don't have to be so mean about it.” San pouts, taking that almost as if it were an insult. Did he really not wanna kiss him that badly? What the fuck is even happening between them? _What_ is this?

Mingi looks at him questionably.

“Okay so.” Wooyoung starts. “You shotgunned Seonghwa. So you should shotgun me too.”

High, drunk, and absolutely out of his mind, Mingi just nods in agreement. Wondering if he should drink some water at some point in the night. Because he's starting to see double, and he's suddenly feeling confident, and maybe a little bit turned on just from the mood.

“C'mere.” Mingi slurs, pulling Wooyoung in by his collar as he takes a large hit. And without even thinking about it he leans in to the point of their lips touching. It's not even weird with Wooyoung. Because like-- it's _Wooyoung._ And San watches the way he keeps his lips attached when he exhales for him, and the way Wooyoung eagerly takes it from him.

“I mean, that's not how it works but--” Wooyoung comments as he tries to hold in his hit. Eyes squinting and smiling up at Mingi. “Nice.”

San almost glares at Mingi, wondering if he did that to get a rise out of him. No way, Mingi isn't like that. Besides, why would he do something like that if he doesn't even realize that San is mutually interested? And San partially wonders why he's suddenly _so_ interested in him when for years he just ignored it. Mingi likes him. He _has to._ But goddamn he is being so dense. San has dropped plenty of hints. Right?

San plops himself down into Mingi's lap this time, putting one arm around his neck and the other hand taking the joint to take a quick puff.

Mingi just looks down at him, mind so thick with fog he can barely even react.

“Alright, my turn.” San says, placing the tiny end of the blunt up to Mingi's lips. And when he takes a drag, he doesn't even close his eyes. He just stays fixated on San. And it feels like a moment. It feels like Wooyoung isn't sitting next to them, or that there are five other men just a sliding door away from them.

“Well?” San questions. And almost instantly Mingi leans into him. Closer, closer, but _not as close_ as he was with Wooyoung. And that pisses San off. So he puts his hand on the back of Mingi's head and presses him closer to fill that tiny gap.

And finally, Mingi can feel his lips on his. He doesn't even think to exhale the smoke until he feels San's eyelashes flutter against his cheek. Probably wondering why he's just sitting there and doing nothing. So he gently exhales, and can feel the way San's fingers gently pull at his hair before letting go.

“Wasn't so bad now, was it?” San says in a mocking tone, and Mingi is just sitting there with a slack jaw. Still feeling a tingle from where their lips _actually_ touched.

“Um. . “ Wooyoung groans out.

“Not to interrupt but the blunt is burning out, and no one needs to inhale for _that_ long, San.”

“Fuck off.” San snaps back, giving the blunt back to Wooyoung. He's proud of what he did, and feels no need to smoke anymore. He's satisfied.

“Well, it's practically gone now anyway.” Wooyoung says back with a questionable look towards Mingi.

“You good?” He asks as he stands up to head back inside. And Mingi can barely move.

“He's fine, he basically just smoked an entire blunt while simultaneously kissing all of us.”

“Oh yeah. . He did, didn't he?“ Wooyoung adds with a laugh, patting Mingi on the back. “You're a big baby, you know that?”

San throws a lighter at him as he walks away. “Stop being a bitch!” And then silence. It's just San and Mingi now. Alone. Both fucked up. Both confused and all tied up with each other in a way that seems impossible to talk about. And San feels like he wont say anything to him. So just as he goes to speak, Mingi speaks up first.

“I enjoyed that.”

“Yeah?”

He nods, and looks at him.

“But I think I need to eat something before I get sick.” He adds, seeing two Sans sitting in front of him with a smug look on his face.

“Let's get you back inside then.” He says, helping Mingi up and trying to ignore how small he feels beside him. “I got you.” He adds as Mingi kind of slumps over him.

Upon opening the sliding door, all of the men just look at them, Seonghwa throws a thumbs up in San's direction which receives him a middle finger back.

“Jesus Christ, is he really that fucked up?” Yeosang asks, walking to the kitchen to fill up a glass of water.

“Hongjoong, how much did you guys drink?” San asks.

“Me? Enough. Him? More than enough.”

San shakes his head at him and shoots him a glare. “Grab him something starchy to eat. He says he might get sick.”

Hongjoong was quick to obey, grabbing several items from the kitchen. He walks back out with his hands full and – “What the fuck? Where'd they go?”

“San took him to his room.” Seonghwa says with a laugh.

When Hongjoong enters Mingi's room the image is pathetic. He's really just spread eagle on his bed as San taps his face to tell him to drink water. And Mingi is dead ass just mumbling nonsense back at him.

“You shouldn't drink this much.” San scolds him.

“It's your fault.” Mingi whines back, lifting up to take a drink of water.

“What? What do you mean?”

Mingi starts making hand gestures, literally just gesturing to all of San, but Hongjoong steps in to stop the conversation. Because he knows Mingi will hate himself later if he does this _now._

“Hey, eat these.” Hongjoong says, sitting down on Mingi's bed and pouring a pile of crackers onto his chest.

“Ooo~ Crackers.” Mingi sing-songs, happily shoving a few into his mouth at once.

“Slow down, we're trying to _avoid_ you getting sick.”

San watches the way Hongjoong is practically babying him. And wonders what the fuck he meant by Mingi's excess drinking being _his_ fault. He is starting to feel overwhelmed and wonders if he should have done what he did outside. He knew Mingi was drunk, but it's almost as if he's _too_ drunk. And San doesn't want to take advantage of him in this state. So he backs off, nods at Hongjoong and starts to walk out.

“You've got this right?”

Hongjoong nods and waves his hand at him. “Let him nap for a bit. I'm sure he'll wake up and be ready to party some more in an hour or so.” And with that San walks out, mentally preparing himself to apologize to Mingi for overstepping a boundary.

~

Hongjoong tries to talk to Mingi as he starts to fall asleep. Wondering what happened after he had come back inside. All he got out of him was “ _I kissed wooyoung and then San kissed me._ ”

What a mess.

It wasn't too long before he was out cold though, he finished his entire glass of water at least. Cracker crumbs in the bed and Mingi's sleeping red face in all it's glory- Hongjoong is kind of happy to be part of this. He wonders if he should go talk to San, but then he would be blowing Mingi's cover. However, Seonghwa told him what San said. Because they're terrible at keeping secrets, and both of them are so amused by their mutual best friends stumbling over themselves for each other. What a mess indeed.

Instead of talking to San about it, he opts to just tell Mingi when he wakes up. He's done this before. Gotten too drunk and then passed out for a little while only to wake back up ready for more. So for now he's got to play the waiting game. Slumping himself into bed next to the bigger man, he opens his phone and occupies himself as he ignores the loud singing in the living room down the hall.

And as if on cue, Mingi wakes up a little over an hour and half later. Groggy and throat dry, he eyes the room and finally looks over at Hongjoong.

“Hey-” Hongjoong starts. “Want some water?”

Mingi nods his head and tries to say “ _yeah, please.”_ but it comes out scratchy. Hongjoong is quick to his feet to run and grab some more water for him, walking straight past San who was still drinking, still smiling, and shoveling Cheetos into his mouth.

“He up?” San questions, licking a thick layer of cheese off of his fingers.

“Yeah, he'll be back out in a bit.” Hongjoong says back, looking at the clock and realizing it already past two in the morning. “Or should I just tell him to stay in for the night?”

San nods at him. “Seonghwa already left, Jongho and Yeosang are waiting on an uber right now.” Hongjoong looks at him. “Drinking alone then?”

San nods again at him. “I'm coping.”

“Oh? For what?” Hongjoong asks, because he's the best at asking questions.

“You know exactly why, Seonghwa told me.”

“Well, good luck with that then. I'm gonna go hydrate your boy.”

And with that, Hongjoong leaves San (who most definitely was _not_ blushing at the words “ _your boy”)_ and is heading back to the room to find Mingi sitting up, hair sticking out every which way, eyes swollen.

“Jesus fuck, i'm still so high.” He whines, throwing himself back into his pillow.

“Drink some water. Everyone is leaving so you don't have to get up or anything.”

“I missed the party?” Mingi questions, feeling only foggy memories, only really remembering the drinking game with Hongjoong clearly.

“I. . . wouldn't say that, no.” Hongjoong snickers at him, handing him the water.

“The fuck do you mean by that?”

“Mingi, I don't know how to tell you this but--” And Hongjoong looks down dramatically. “You kissed Wooyoung, and then San kissed you.”

Mingi spits some of his water back into the cup, eyes widening in panic as he looks at Hongjoong.

“I _what?!_ ”

“Bro, I don't know. That's all you told me before you passed out. But-- can I say something?”

He's careful to nod his head, afraid to hear anymore. Because the moment Hongjoong mentioned that, he remembered exactly what happened, though his mind was fogged over at the time.

“Okay, it's a mouth full. Drink your water first.”

And he does.

“San told Seonghwa that he thinks you have a thing for him--” And Mingi automatically tries to speak up. “Let me finish.”

“Seonghwa told me, and then I told him what _you_ told me.”

Mingi doesn't even get a chance to feel betrayed.

“And we both think it's in your best interest to just fucking go for it. Because you're both being stupid and honestly? Mingi? It's unbearable to watch two of the most obnoxious people in the world stumble over themselves because they're hot for each other.”

“Hot for eachother?” Mingi questions.

“God, you really _are_ dense when it comes to feelings, huh?” Hongjoong laughs, shaking his head. “Even I could clearly see that San wants it.” And he pauses for a moment. “Mingi. _Me_ , high as fuck and drunk-- could see that San is interested in you.”

Mingi is sitting there, as still as he can be just trying to process this information.

“San. Likes. Me?” And he says it like a question.

“All hints point to it. Besides, Seonghwa told me he did.”

“San. Likes. Me.” Mingi says this time, red fluttering across his cheeks as he sips his water and stares directly in front of him.

“I told you not to meddle.”

“Technically, Seonghwa meddled. I didn't say shit until he realized I knew.”

Mingi suddenly glares at him. “ _You._ ” And Hongjoong pulls back. “ _You pushed me into him._ ”

“Okay so maybe I meddled a little bit, but you should be thanking me, honestly.”

And eventually Mingi accepts it. Trying to process all of the information. Wondering if he should actually believe it, or if his brain is scattering all of Hongjoong's words into what he _wants_ to hear.

“So, I should give it a go?” He questions honestly.

“Yeah, you should.” Hongjoong nods, pulling himself out of the bed and grabbing his jacket. “I'm going to leave you to it then.”

“Wait, right now?!” And he's panicking again.

“I mean you can do it whenever you want, I don't give a fuck. But if you waste your chance tonight-- San might think you're not interested anymore.”

And with that, Hongjoong plants a kiss to Mingi's head and waves a small goodbye. “Text me when it happens. We can come back over and celebrate or something, I don't know.”

~

Mingi sits in silence for a little while longer. Just taking in the events of the night, the way he embarrassingly got too drunk. The fact that he couldn't enjoy the semi-kiss between him and San. He tries to process the fact that San told Seonghwa that he was interested in him, of all people. The fact that they were all over each other was really getting to him, only to find out San was confiding in Seonghwa in his own way. Maybe they're just comfortable like that since they've been together. He doesn't know.

Part of him wonders if San knows he knows. Another part of him wonders if San knows that he likes him. Sure, Seonghwa spilled what San said. But when Hongjoong told Seonghwa what was going on, did he proceed to run to San with the good news? God, they're so bad at keeping secrets. Fake. All of them.

Sure, he may know that San is interested but now the situation feels even _more_ confusing because he doesn't know who has what information or how to even bring it up, and goddammit he feels like he's seeing double again.

He's still high out of his mind, and a little drunk, but nowhere near where he was before stumbling into his room in a daze.

Should he really talk to San about it? Tonight? Right now?

At this point Mingi feels like it's too late to think, too late to doubt, too late for any of it really. San is his best friend, he shouldn't be this terrified to talk to him about his feelings right? But he's still scared, because they're best friends. And he's more scared of the idea of losing him than the idea of confessing that he suddenly has this new found way of seeing him as a person.

He finds himself staring into his empty cup, wondering what would happen if it doesn't work out. What if it does? Would they end up dating? Neither of them have really _dated_ anyone seriously. Except for San. He has a bit of a history, and not a good one at that. God, he feels so out of place. Feels like he isn't himself and he _hates_ it. But Hongjoong has never been one to lie to him. In fact, he may be one of the most honest people he knows.

And in his drowsy state of high and completely engulfed in worry- Mingi decides he's sick of feeling this way. Whatever happens, happens. Right? They've been friends for too long to let something like this fuck it up. He's going to do it.

Tip toeing his way down the hallway, he can hear San say his goodbyes to Yeosang and Jongho. And shit, he's really doing this.

Mingi peeks his head around the corner to see San and instantly his heart is beating faster. San was just standing at the table, leaning forward and brushing his hands through his hair as he sighs. He can hear him whisper a small “ _fuck.”_ before he starts cleaning up the mess.

He stands there for a moment longer just watching him, and he knows that just moments before San was probably smiling and having a good time just to put on a show. But now his face is slack, and he's focused on cleaning up. Mingi watches him take a few more sips of a beer that was sitting on the table and decides he should really stop stalling.

“Still drinking?” Mingi questions as he casually walks into the kitchen. He feels woozy still, but more than capable of gripping his own thoughts.

“Yeah, I slowed down a lot though. Im barely even drunk anymore--” San pauses and looks up at him with a smile. “Still high as shit though.”

“Ah, me too.” Mingi says with a nod as he attempts to pick things up off the table before San gets to them himself.

“You should be lying down. I can clean this up.” San squeaks out, and Mingi can tell something's on his mind. He wonders if it's the same thing that's on his own.

“I feel fine. Let me help.”

~

With the mess partially cleaned up, San is still thinking. Mingi is still doubting, and the air feels thick around them. Feeling heavy enough to force them together almost. And when Mingi sits down on the couch, he takes note at the way San sits far away from him. And he hates it. So he tries his best to say something. At least a _hint_.

“So. . “ Mingi looks over to San and tries to make eye contact.

“Hm?” The smaller man responds, eyes glued to his phone.

“Seonghwa probably would have stayed over if you'd asked him. He had his eye on you all night.”

“I know. I didn't ask him to though.”

“Why not?” Mingi questions.

“I dunno, didn't really think he was in the mood, I guess?”

Mingi tries to laugh at that. Because out of all of the years they've known each other, Seonghwa is _always_ in the mood. Not to mention it seems like San is avoiding the real answer. Seonghwa _knows_ what's going on, and he's playing it off like Seonghwa was the one who didn't want to stay over. Does San really think Mingi is _that_ stupid? Sure, he's dense as hell and clueless to what a love life should look like, but he knows damn well that the answers don't match up. _San_ is the one who wasn't in the mood.

Mingi tries to change the subject as to not call him out like he _really_ wants to right now.

“Okay but how is it that Seonghwa still ends up with all of the pretty boys, and I'm stuck with badly-bleached-hair-brad from the corner store?'

San perks up a bit at that. Wanting to tease Mingi for his shitty standards in men _so bad_. But focusing more on the fact that the “pretty boys” he is referring to when it comes to Seonghwa _may_ just be referring to himself.

“Well, for starters. You're the one who texted Brad first and decided he was a worthy lay--” San scoots a little closer to him. “And secondly, you should get better standards.”

Mingi gives him a dramatic look, as if those words shattered him to the core. And strangely now that he has an idea of what he wants to do-- he's a lot less nervous about this whole situation. He's starting to _see_ the hints that San is dropping.

“Oh, that hurt.” Mingi whines, gripping his chest. “Sorry we can't all be hot like Seonghwa in order to have the highest standards known to man.” He adds in a sarcastic tone. Making a mental note to kick himself later for bullying Seonghwa behind his back.

“Oh my god, don't start with that shit!” San laughs back, playfully slapping him. “You know you're hot enough to have standards.”

“Oh, now I'm hot huh?”

“Well—I mean” San starts, and then looks at him in the eye. “Yeah.”

Mingi feels smug, and much more confident than the days leading up to now. He feels like he's getting somewhere, so he presses further.

“What kind of standards then?” He tilts his head. “What do _you_ think my standards should be?”

San turns towards him on the couch, scooting a tiny bit closer, crossing his legs, and leaning forward a bit.

“Okay, I'll bite.” He says in a confident voice. “Grab a pen because you clearly need to take notes.”

Mingi laughs at that, seeing the distance between them slowly close in both physical and emotional terms. “I'll get right on that then.” But he doesn't, he just adjusts himself to face towards the smaller man as well. Ready to listen intently.

“First of all, he should be an acceptable addition to our friend group. If we don't like him, it's for good reason.” Mingi nods in agreement. “Secondly, he should be caring and sweet. Y'know? Someone you can trust.”

“And he should also be funny, and be able to make you laugh when you're sad--”

“He should also be able to take care of you when you're sick, and accept you for who you are as a person.” And San pauses for a minute. “Because you can be fucking annoying, but when you get past it you're kind of lovable.”

“Hey!” Mingi acts pained again, but is enjoying this. “But really, what else?”

“It should be someone that you're more than just sexually attracted to--” San adds. “That's why me and Seonghwa never dated. Because there's nothing there romantically.”

Mingi kind of looks down for a moment, a puzzle piece clicking in his head.

“And it should be someone that makes your heart flutter.”

“You can't settle for anything less than that.”

San looks at Mingi intently as he speaks, and when he's done they just look at each other for a long while. “That's what I think your standard should be.” San finally says, looking away.

“So, what you're saying is. . “ Mingi isn't careful at all with what he says. “You.”

“Me?” San questions with a small voice. One that Mingi rarely hears.

“My standard should be you. That's what you're saying.”

And then it clicks. Not having realized that everything he described is. . well. . himself. Especially for the past few days. He made Mingi laugh when he was crying. He tried to take care of him when he felt sick. Their friend group already accepts him. And most of all he accepts Mingi for who he is. In all of his dopey glory, he accepts and maybe he even loves him.

But then he notes that he specifcally said that the person should make his heart flutter. _Did Mingi just admit that San has that affect on him?_

“I--” San tries to speak. At a loss for words for the first time in forever. He hates that he suddenly feels like he isn't in control.

“I guess I just told on myself, didn't I?” He looks up to Mingi with eyes that can't be read.

It's silent for a few moments as Mingi processes the fact that San admitted it first. And his heart is racing, he can feel his blood rushing to his head. He feels dizzy and happy and- - - _relief_. And San's mind state is currently in “ _fuck it_ ” mode. He's already said too much, might as well just fucking jump in head first now.

And when he licks his lips, ready to start explaining himself-- he can see the way Mingi watches. And he smiles.

“Do you want to kiss me?” San asks suddenly, and watching the way Mingi barely even flinches at the question. So he scoots closer to him, and hovers near his face. Not too close, but close enough for Mingi to take the invitation.

“Yes.” Mingi sighs out.

“Do it then.”

Mingi stutters for a moment, looking at San sitting in front of him, and it feels like nothing else in the world really matters right now.

“Yeah?” Mingi questions in a whisper, because he feels like he needs confirmation. “I can kiss you?”

San closes his eyes before Mingi even finishes asking, but nods his head at him and is anticipating it. His heart is beating out of his chest, because he really didn't expect any of this so soon, or at all after years of suppressing the “ _what ifs”._

A moment goes by, and then another moment. San is panicking now. Is Mingi flaking? Did he make him feel like he _has_ to kiss him? And just as he opens his eyes again, he feels Mingi on him.

He can feel his lips just as soft as before, but this time intentional and better than he had imagined. Instantly he falls comfortably into the kiss, shooting his hand up to Mingi's jaw as he kisses him. And it's not even fast, or sexual. It's actually quite timid in the way Mingi keeps his eyes closed, almost as if he's concentrating on the feeling before it goes away.

Mingi's mind is rushing, and he wonders how San feels. Everything feels hot, overwhelming, and he hasn't even tasted past his lips yet. His mind is rushing, rushing, rushing, until finally- it's calm. Calm in the way San pulls back not even an inch away from his face, before falling back in again. And Mingi barely had a moment to breathe because he was so caught up. For a split second San's lips weren't against his, but they're back now and it feels even better.

San liked the way Mingi kissed him, but he's not _doing_ anything. He's just there, un-moving. Lips placed against him as if he's afraid to move any further. But San feels like the fact that they've broken this invisible wall between them, he has the confidence to push a little more. So he does.

He keeps their lips connected as he pulls himself closer to him, moving his arms around Mingi's neck and tilting his head just a bit. That's when Mingi smiles, and god. San can feel it-- and it's just so _good_.

“Just--” Mingi says as he breaks the kiss for a moment, breathing in before San is immediately attaching their lips again. He forgets what he was even going to say in the first place, because San lightly trails his tongue against the bottom of his lip, and has him laid back against the couch with no where to run. Not that he _wants_ to. He's just- really really overwhelmed.

“Stop thinking.” San says as he pulls back in almost a scolding tone, keeping his arms locked around Mingi's neck as he looks at him with wet lips.

“It's okay. We're okay.” He adds in a softer tone. “I want this.”

And Mingi feels his heart swelling up inside of him. Cursing himself for still being high out of his mind, and partially thinking that it's making everything feel so much more intense than it should be.

“You want this too, right?”

“I mean--” And Mingi kind of glances down at the way he's growing hard just under where San was hovering. “Yeah--” He tries to choke out, embarrassed that he's already gotten so excited.

San smiles at him, seeing that he has Mingi in a position that he usually finds himself in. He's not even straddling him, just leaning over him as Mingi is leaned back against the arm rest of the couch. And he chooses not to say a word when he positions himself to sit directly on top of him. He holds in a breath at the feeling of Mingi pressed against him, and looks up to see how he reacts.

He can see a furrowed brow, and parted lips as Mingi stares down at the way he has positioned himself so perfectly on top of him.

“Shit.” He says it in a whine, and San is swimming in it.

Without a second thought, Mingi finally moves on his own accord, pulling San back down to him. This time the kiss has much less fear behind it. Both of them falling into it as if it were second nature. And San is in _love_ with the way he is being kissed.

Neither of them knew just how much they were holding in, and it's all just spilling out now. In a messy living room with messy feelings. And it couldn't be more fitting.

They laid like that just kissing for a long time. And it did get heated at one point, with San intentionally pressing his hips into Mingi, feeling the heat between the both of them. Mingi had groaned into the kiss when he did that, and San felt it shoot straight down his body. Wanting to hear it again. He kept doing it, and Mingi wasn't stopping him. In fact, he bucked his hips up a few times just to chase the friction. And by the time San tried to trail his hand down to grab him, Mingi kind of pulled back a bit.

San had felt a little bad at that point, thinking it wasn't the right time. But that wasn't it. Mingi explained that it's not that he doesn't _want_ it. He just wants them to be more level headed when it happens. And San understood, kind of taken aback that someone cares enough to about him to want it to be _right_ the first time. And not just taking what they can get from him.

He appreciates Mingi, and feels happy when he falls asleep there on the couch with him. On any other night it would be uncomfortable, because the room smells like beer and the couch is old and squeaks when you move. But with the way Mingi practically holds him into his chest, he doesn't want to leave, even if his own bed might be far more comfortable.

~

Mingi wakes up feeling like shit. The sun is shining directly onto him, he feels heavy and sweaty. Then he feels this weight on him. And, he realizes there's tickle under his nose. He glances down only to realize _everything_ that happened. San was wedged beside him, a mess of hair tickling at his nose and legs tangled up with his.

Without a moment to waste, Mingi holds him closer, causing him to wake a bit. He just lays there knowing they both smell like shit, and they both probably feel the way they smell. But he doesn't care, because things are easier now.

He feels San bury his face into his chest even more, and when he tries to curl himself up to get closer he kind of-- hits Mingi directly in the dick with his knee.

Instantly he cries out in pain. Because not only did he just get knee'd in the dick by the prettiest boy he's ever seen, but he's on a major case of blue balls right now. And then he feels San's hand immediately on his dick. And he looks down at him with pain in his eyes. San smiles up at him.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.” San says in a groggy voice, patting gently at Mingi's abused groin.

“Ah-” Mingi winces again and San stops.

“Sorry, that probably hurts too. . .” And he doesn't really even care, because he just curls himself back up and takes a deep breathe against Mingi's neck.

“You smell bad.” He sighs out with a smile.

“Yeah, I do smell bad.”

It gets quiet, and neither of them move from where they're positioned. Even with Mingi's aching balls, he can't bring himself to get up. He doesn't want to lose this moment or the feeling attached to it. And it all feels so incredibly cliche, he doesn't even care. San seems to feel and think the same, and for once they're finally on the same page.

“I'm gonna--” Mingi starts, pointing towards the bathroom.

“Yes, you should go do that.” San responds immediately, but doesn't move from his spot against him.

And again, they lay there for a few minutes more.

“I really should go take a shower though.” Mingi comments, twirling his fingers in San's hair.

“Yeah, I guess you should.” San is still un-moving, still holding onto him.

“Or I can just lay here with you all day.”

“I like that idea a lot more.”

And when San looks back up at Mingi, all of the color drains from his face. Mingi looking at him completely sober, feeling like shit, but-- truly realizing that he and San have this. . . this _thing_ between them. And he doesn't know what it is exactly, but he loves it.

“I'm glad we did this.” Mingi says gently, still running his hands through the dark hair tickling at his face.

“I wish we'd done it a long time ago.” San says.

Mingi realizes his feelings for San are new. But the fact that he wishes it had been done _a long time ago_ goes to show that maybe-- just maybe-- San always had a thing for him.

“Oh yeah?” Mingi questions, closing his eyes. “You mean to tell me that you've had a thing for me this whole time?”

San pouts a bit.

“Not really.”

And then Mingi's face falls. Angry at himself for feeling bold enough to assume such a thing. Of _course_ he wasn't into him. Maybe it's just as new for San, but why the fuck else would he have wished it happened before now?

“Oh.”

San can sense the mood.

“I mean, don't get me wrong.” San goes to explain, propping himself up on an elbow and drawing shapes against Mingi's skin with his fingers. “I _always_ thought about it. Like you've always been attractive to me. . “

“But you never seemed to be interested so I just kind of--” He closes his eyes to think of how to put it. “I just kind of pushed it back. You're my best friend, even if I was curious I had no reason to push. So I never really developed any type of feelings I guess--” He looks up at him again. “Until I realized that maybe you finally thought about it.”

Mingi sighs in relief. Knowing deep down he never thought of San like this until _after_ they moved in together he kind of realizes that maybe San was suffering more than he was.

“I had no idea.” Mingi explains, watching the way San's eyes shift from looking into his eyes back to his lips. “I really never knew that you were even curious about it.”

“And I think-” He pauses. “I think that if you had said something, even if I didn't see you that way, I would have considered it.”

San tilts his head. “How long have you liked me?”

Mingi stutters, not sure if his answer will hurt San or not.

“After we moved in together, it kind of became unavoidable.”

“Well. . “ San starts, and Mingi really hopes that didn't hurt his feelings. “It doesn't even matter how long we've kept this from each other. It's out in the open now, right?”

“So. . What now?” And Mingi is hoping for a specific answer, but he knows it's too early.

“Let's just see where this goes. But I want you to know that I never want to lose you as my best friend.”

Mingi nods his head in agreement.

“So we are on the same page then. . “

~

Mingi feels. . . strange. It's not that he doesn't want this because _god_ he does. But he feels like maybe they're moving a bit too fast. Sure, at first he thought it was just a sexual attraction but at this point he knows it's much more than that.

Even after talking with San and making out with him he still feels a distance between them that he can't seem to get over. He wants to be with him. Not just _be_ with him, but actually be _with him_. And he hasn't really had a genuine relationship before. He doesn't even know if that's what San will want in the end either, and it's eating him up inside.

Three days have gone by since they last spoke about it, and sometimes San will come up and kiss him. Or flirt with him throughout the day but Mingi can't seem to get over this hump. Especially because when San isn't flirting, or when one of the guys come over it all stops. And it goes back to as if they were only friends and never even talked about it.

He's thankful for that to an extent. To not be asked questions and for their friends to _know_ he's lying if he doesn't tell them exactly whats going on. But another part of him wants them to see it. Wants them to bring it up so he and San can talk more about it. Because he can't seem to bring it up himself.

“ _Let's just see where this goes.”_ San said to him that night, and so far it's gone no where. He can sense San slow his flirting, he doesn't pop up to kiss him as much. And he's scared, because he _wants_ it, but he doesn't know how to want it properly. He doesn't want San to think he's pulling back, but he _can't stop_ acting so awkward about it.

And that brings us to now. Mingi heading into the bathroom for a shower. Which he's been showering _a lot_ lately. Y'know, _just in-case._ And it's also partially to clear his head. He wants the awkwardness to be gone. He wants to talk to San about it. He wants to tell him that he wants to try and _date._ And even though he's terrified that they're moving too fast. He'd rather move too fast with his boyfriend, rather than a best friend with benefits.

Mingi had just stepped into the shower, not having wet his hair yet when he heard the door creak open.

“San?”

“Yeah?” San kind of whispers back to him. And it's not weird, because multiple times San has come into the bathroom to grab something while he was showering. But it feels kind of. . off?

It's silent and he can't hear much over the running water, so he stands there for a moment to try and listen a bit harder.

“Did you need something?” Mingi asks as he pulls the curtain slightly to reveal just his head, and when he looks at San a realization hit him directly in the gut.

“W-” He stutters. “What are you doing?” And he looks over San, who is undressing himself. Trying not to notice each and every detail about his body. This is the first time he's seen him naked in an _intimate_ way. And he doesn't know if he's ready for him like this.

“Joining you.” San puts it simply, not once shying away from exposing himself.

Mingi can't even argue before he is forcing himself between the small space of the shower wall and himself. And when he looks up at him, San can't really believe that he's never noticed how perfect Mingi actually is. With shoulders so broad, torso lean and toned. He doesn't care if he's staring. But he thought it would be a lot less awkward than this, his heart starts beating faster each time he's close to Mingi now. To the point that he feels he may burst. And sure, he may be a little too bold, and a little too excited to share these moments with him. But he really can't resist it. Even if Mingi seems to be shying away more and more by the hour.

“Mingi. . “ San says to him, water running down his cheeks as he tries to adjust himself out of the stream of water. But just as he said it, Mingi was trying to speak too. “You first. . “ He adds.

Mingi sighs out a bit, feeling incredibly small in this shower with him. Which is almost funny, considering how much bigger he actually is.

He can barely feel the heat of the water on his skin because he feels so _cold_ and frozen in place trying to pull himself out this state of never knowing what to do when San is with him.

“Don't you think. . “ Mingi finally says, averting his eyes. “Don't you think this is happening a bit--”

“Fast?” San finished his sentence for him.

Ming nods in a way that sounds like he's being scolded, and he can feel San's arm pressed against him in the small space.

“Is it too fast for you?” San questions, leaning his head against the taller man, his hair sticking to the skin there. He can feel Mingi shake his head.

“No-- I just. . “ And he pauses for a moment as he finally swipes the hair out of his face. And San looks at how vulnerable they both are in this position. Wondering if joining Mingi so suddenly was a bad move. Wondering if it wasn't the right time to try and get a reaction. Because he _needs_ a reaction right now. He needs reassurance that they're still on the same page.

“I'm not sure.” Mingi finally adds. And with that he doesn't even wash himself before turning away and stepping out of the shower.

“Can we talk about this when-” He motions towards San, who shivers as the air from the bathroom hits him.

San feels at a loss.

“Y-yeah. Of course.”

With that, Mingi is wrapping himself in a towel and going to his room. Not at all intending to come back out for the rest of the day. And when he looks at himself in the mirror he really looks like an asshole. He could have just stayed. _He_ is the one who made that weird, and now San definitely thinks the interest is gone.

And it's true, San wonders if he is over it after the make out session. Maybe Mingi didn't connect the way he thought they did. Maybe that's why he didn't want to go any further. Maybe that's why he's been pulling back and distancing himself.

He's nearly driving himself crazy. God he wishes Mingi would just _communicate_ with him. He's upset that this is going nowhere. Excitement still in his gut, hope in his heart. And Mingi is doing nothing but rejecting him. He didn't even get hard when he got in the shower with him. Not only is Mingi not reacting anymore, but his body isn't even reacting.

San stands in the water a bit too hot for his liking and feels like he wants to cry. Is this all that there is between them? Is it really just a _what if_ that will never be explored?

~

As hours pass, so do the doubts swimming in San's head. He replays every scenario in his head that he's had with Mingi recently. Trying to map out when things started changing, trying to understand why he's pulled back, and most of all he's kind of pumping himself up.

With each thing that's happened between them, he's still afraid that maybe Mingi is pulling back. But after all that's already taken place-- he can't just leave it at that. If San wants to try and be with him, he needs to _talk_ to him rather than act out on his own feelings. They seem to have a different love language and he wonders if that's why the air is so tight around them.

He tries to push back the thoughts of “ _you have a big ego, San.”_ and “ _stop pushing. There's nothing between us.”_ Because he can't be sure until it comes out of Mingi's mouth. And goddammit, he can't stop thinking about his lips. And how big Mingi felt under him. He _wont_ stop thinking about it ever.

Another hour passes, and another. San stares at his phone wondering what the best option for him is right now. Mingi really hasn't come out of his room since the whole shower thing happened. San would be lying if he said he wasn't already bored and annoyed with the awkwardness. They _finally_ were getting somewhere and now he's just going to lock himself in his room all the time?

He's just come back inside from smoking. Not a lot, just a little bit. Enough to not overthink this. Enough to have the confidence and ability to speak smoothly. _Just_ enough to get answers without panicking himself.

“Fuck it.” San says to himself with a shrug, opening up his messages. And when he types the message out he almost wants to throw himself out a window realizing he _very nearly_ sent it to the group chat. It wasn't even an out of the ordinary text, but he's still freaked out. He can already feel his heart racing. Maybe he shouldn't have smoked. Maybe he's just absent minded.

He tries again.

**To: minki**

_can we talk?_

Immediately he wants to smack himself in the face. An entire thirty seconds has gone by and no response. He feels like he needs to cut off his own hands to keep from double texting right now. Why is this so. . . hard for him? San has _never_ been nervous to talk about feelings, he's never _cared_ if another person didn't feel the same about him outside of Mingi.

_Bzzt._

He very quickly perks up at the sound. But his face falls when he opens the message.

**From:Minki**

_yea, whats up?_

Like _excuse me?_ He want's to _talk._ Not text.

**To: Minki**

_no...like, I want to **talk talk**. _

_can I come to your room?_

He doesn't even wait for a response because he's already pulling himself out of his bed and taking a deep breath. He feels slightly hungry, but that can wait. So he heads for his door and pads down the hallways to Mingi's room.

San can feel his phone buzz in his pocket, thinking he really shouldn't just barge in. So he quickly checks it. All he sees is “ _yea--_ ” in the message preview before he's opening Mingi's door.

He wastes no time in running his mouth, only stopping for a moment to note that Mingi is lying in his bed in just his sweat pants. He's worried that with the rate he is talking, he might start drooling as well.

Mingi is almost shocked at how quickly he's speaking as he paces the room. Chewing his nails as he speaks, not once looking him in the eye.

“Okay so I just think that-” San picks up a stray sock and puts in on Mingi's dresser. “I think this awkwardness needs to stop now.” He doesn't even pause to breathe as he frantically picks up things and adjusts them to a different position around the room. Unsure of what to do with himself as he talks. “I don't know what's gotten into you, but I thought we were on the same page. Now you're pulling back and I'm not sure if I did something wrong.”

Mingi tries to talk, but San doesn't let him.

“If it's me, can you just tell me? I'm driving myself crazy by throwing myself at you only to get shaken off like it's nothing? I thought you wanted this? I thought we both wanted this?”

“Sa-”

“And I think we could really have something good here, if you'd just open up to me. I'm sorry I got into the shower with you without asking, I was just tryi-”

“San!” Mingi snaps, standing up out of his bed and walking over to him. San just looks at him, and Mingi can see something in his eyes that he's never seen before. He's never seen him act like this, and it's a bit shocking. He's confused, he doesn't know what's happening between them. But they both know it's a _good_ thing. And apparently something they both want.

“You didn't do anything wrong, I-” Mingi pauses trying to find the right words to say to him as he sits him down on his bed with him. “I was afraid we were moving too fast, and I'm afraid it wont lead to where I want it to lead.”

San just looks at him and then at the floor, hiding a slight blush and knowing exactly what Mingi is talking about. Only he wasn't worried about that. Because if they date, they date. If they just fuck, they fuck. Only that's not how it can work between the two. Sure, it happens like that with Seonghwa. But San has feelings. Mingi has feelings. And they're kind of out in the open, kind of not.

“We weren't on the same page at all then. . “ San whispers out, mostly to himself but Mingi takes it as a blow to his chest.

“Oh. . “ He thinks San doesn't want it to _lead_ any further. “This is what I was afraid of. . “

“Wait, no! No. _No_.” San is quick to take it back. “I didn't mean it like that I just. . I didn't think “moving too fast” would be an issue. . “ He pauses to breathe, because he honestly feels like his chest is caving right now.

“I didn't know if you wanted to just jump into something with me either though ? I thought it would be easier for you to just--” He looks up at him. “I don't know, fool around and see how you feel?”

Mingi doesn't break eye contact with him. “Why did you think that?”

“I don't know. . I've always had the feelings buried in the back of my mind so I was kind of always ready.” San's dimple shows a bit when he speaks, and Mingi can't look away or avoid his feelings.

“I didn't know if you were sure of what you were feeling. . .”

“I think I'm pretty sure of how I feel.” Mingi responds back, gently moving San's hair out of his face and exposing the pink blushing across his cheeks..

“Then why won't you talk to me about it when I'm being as obvious as I possibly can be? I don't know how else to show you that I'm okay with this.” San kind of motions with his hands. He doesn't know what he does it for, maybe for emphasis. Maybe it's because Mingi's touch was just soft enough to have him going overboard into a pool of feelings.

“I understand if you don't want to move fast. But I need you to understand that I've been waiting for this for a _long_ time. And I don't think I even knew it until- - y'know”

Mingi nods his head at San and smiles. Wondering if this really can be what he wants it to be. If they can really be together.

“And I don't even _know_ what moving too fast for you is.” He's doing it again. Talking a mile a minute.

“But I know what I want. . . “ He pauses to breathe again, and looks at Mingi. “I want all of this distance between us to stop, I want us to communicate, and I really _really_ want you to touch me right now.”

Mingi is stunned, breathing in to try and process the words he just heard. And San is just looking at him with so much hope in his eyes. He can barely contain himself. Somehow, that's all Mingi needed to hear. San is here spilling his heart out, wanting desperately to just _try_. And that's all the confirmation he needed to make this work between the two. And if San wants to be touched, he's going to fucking touch him. And he won't stop. He hopes he never has to.

Not another word is spoken before Mingi just leans over the smaller man, instantly connecting their lips for what felt like the very first time. It felt different than the kiss before, which was already drowning Mingi in thoughts for days. But this feels...sobering. He isn't even high but he can feel his entire body release a sense of calm and warmth that he's never felt. He's done with holding back.

San seemed so incredibly desperate for this, because the moment Mingi kept his lips attached to his own, he's lying himself back on the bed and practically forcing himself to be pinned down. He feels safe there, like it's where he belongs. And the weight of Mingi. the way his breath hitched the moment he was pulled down, all of it has San reeling. _This_ is what he wants. Because it feels right.

Mingi can smell the faint hint of weed on San's breath, but something tells him he's a lot more sober minded that he, himself, is right now. Because he doesn't falter a bit when Mingi puts his hand on his waist and holds him there as he deepens the kiss.

It felt so fast in the way things were happening, but Mingi doesn't care anymore. San wants him to sprint? He's going to sprint. And now that nothing is holding him back, he feels like he hears an endless tune of happiness in his ears as they begin to ring due to the sheer exhaustion of holding himself back from this. The person he needed so badly has been with him the whole time.

And the way San whines into the kisses as they get more and more heated. The way he breathes out when Mingi trails down to his neck. The way his fingers grasp at the mess of hair on his head-- it's all so much to take in at once but he doesn't care. Mingi is used to feeling out of control of his thoughts. This time he isn't going to try and control it.

San would breathe out with each little suck on his neck, and it all felt so slow and overwhelming Mingi almost forgets what “moving too fast” even meant. He can feel San's hands in his hair, barely staying in one spot for too long and he wonders if he's having trouble figuring out what to do with them. He thinks it's cute, and likes the feeling of his small fingers tugging at his messy locks. He especially likes the way San grips a little harder, and wiggles under him when he nibbles a bit on his sensitive areas. He wants nothing more than to elicit as much noise from San's mouth as he can.

It isn't long before San can feel Mingi grow hard on top of him, but he's lifted himself ever so slighty as to not get any friction. So when he pulls Mingi's head back, exposing his neck-- he only looks down to see just what he was sporting in his pants. A wet spot already forming, he's pleased with himself. Because Mingi wants him _so bad_ that he's leaking in his sweat pants before even being touched.

“Mingi--” San trails off as he holds his head in place, still staring down at the rock hard bulge in his pants.

San can feel eyes on him as he stares down with a hunger, Mingi would say he looked crazy if it weren't for the fact that he feels incredibly desired right now.

Mingi's lips are parted when he tries to respond, but all that comes out is a small “hmm?”, which is technically a half moan at the way San keeps his fingers planted in his locks, holding his head back and neck exposed. But Mingi can see him, he watches him and--

“Let me. . “ San licks his lips for a moment, unable to speak at the way Mingi's dick twitches.

“Y-yeah” Mingi sighs back at him. “Do whatever you want.”

It didn't take San long at all to press Mingi's chest away from him, and honestly the bigger man just flops onto his back loosely. And for some reason it's _so hot_ for San to see this man already look like he's been fucked out.

Honestly, it's arousing to see your best friend who you've seemingly had feelings for, for _ages_ look so desperately turned on. And San can barely contain himself, he can feel his own dick pressing against his pants sending shivers down his spine at the slightest amount of friction. He wonders who will last the longest. He wonders who is going to be mocked for the next six months over this. He doesn't actually care if it's him. Because he _cannot_ resist this man lying there with hooded eyes and lips parted. Just _anticipating_ what San is going to do to him next.

He doesn't even hesitate, pulling Mingi's sweats off of him in one go. He's thankful he wasn't wearing underwear, but this is Mingi he's talking about. Of course he wasn't. And San just sits there between his legs, staring. Unable to move in sheer amazement at how big and thick this man in front of him looks. He wonders if he can take it all.

“Jesus.” Mingi sighs out, watching the way San is just staring at him and taking it all in. “I know I said we might be moving too fast but--” Mingi twitches at the feeling of San's somewhat cold fingers against his thighs. “You're going too slow. . .” he kind of whines out, throwing his arm over his face and feeling the sensations of San's fingers trailing up and down his legs.

“Oh?”

“I'm going too slow now?” San questions with a quirk of his eyebrow, feeling confident. “You had me wait longer than this y'know.”

Mingi tries to breathe out a “ _sorry_ ” but before he can even manage to make a single sound he feels breath against him. The warmth from San's lips _ever so close_. He _wants_ him.

“P-please, San.”

Hearing Mingi practically beg him already is _exactly_ what he likes. Exactly what he wants. And he's shocked he doesn't even have to fight for the domination. Part of him wonders if Mingi has been a bottom this entire time. Nope, not with the stories he's heard. Maybe he exaggerated some things, making himself seem like a much more rough lay. But right now he's. . . being incredibly submissive. And it's fucking _cute_. He wants to caress his cheek as he rides him, and then ride him until he cries.

“You're being really cute, I wasn't expecting this.”

Mingi blushes at that, knowing full well that San probably thought he was some super dom daddy or some shit.

“Can you--” San stutters for some reason. Feeling a bit shy himself. “Can you say that again?”

He continues to stare down the length of Mingi's dick as he talks to him, breathing and blowing against the skin there _just_ to see him twitch. The fact that Mingi is reacting to nothing but _breath_ is amazing to him.

“Please.” Mingi says easier this time, twitching again and bringing his hand up to grasp himself.

“No.” San whispers in a matter of fact tone back to him, grabbing his hand and placing it back to his side. Mingi looks down at him with pleading eyes.

“ _Don't touch yourself._ ”

Mingi whines at the heaviness in his dick, having been blue balled for what felt like a life time. He's being impatient and he knows it. And then suddenly he feels the way San adjusts himself, lying between with legs. And then the wet heat of San's mouth against him, licking a long stripe up the neglected cock.

Honestly, it's a little dramatic. San watches the way Mingi sighs out almost as he if were exhausted, slamming his eyes shut and throwing his head back. His eyes remain closed the very second his tongue makes contact with him, and when he kisses the tip, and when he rubs the pre-cum against his lips as if he were putting on lipgloss--

“Mingi.” San says as he stops, pre-cum coating his lips so perfectly in this lighting. “Mingi, look at me.” He adds with his chin lying gently against his thigh, almost nuzzling Mingi's dick against his lips and chin.

Mingi is slightly worried to look, because he will literally cum right this moment if he keeps hearing San talk to him while gripping his dick like this. Embarrassed, and not fully able to trust his own body right now, he gently opens his eyes. He stares up at the ceiling for a few moments, then finally lifts his head back up a bit. Revealing San, with his lips glossed over and fucking _smiling_ at him. Mingi could cry, he really could. Seeing the size of himself against San's cheek like this, knowing that there's no way he could take it all. He lets out a groan.

“God-” He throws his head back again. “Is this really happening?”

San smiles at himself, watching the way Mingi's chest rises and falls as he breathes. He should stop teasing. But he thinks Mingi likes it.

“I'm not going to start until you keep your eyes on me.” It's stern in the way it comes out, and the way he squeezes the base of Mingi's dick almost feels like a threat.

Immediately Mingi snaps his head back up and puts his hands behind his head. As if he's _relaxing_ to watch San work his tongue against him. He waits in anticipation as he watches San kitten lick at him a few times. Another lick to the underside, and then a quick kiss to the tip again. Mingi is incredibly impatient, moving one hand to the back of San's head, fingers tugging at his hair a bit to guide him.

San hums at this and is finally parting his lips to take in just the tip of Mingi's dick. Swirling his tongue around _just a bit_ to elicit a moan. And partly to see just how sensitive he is there. Mingi isn't pressing with his hands in San's hair. He's really just feeling the way his head moves, gripping the hair there when the top of his dick hits the back of San's front teeth as he pulls back. Seething out small sounds of pleasure as to encourage him to take more.

He pulls back only for a moment to make sure Mingi is still watching him.

“You sound so good. “ San coos out at him, without even letting the taller man react before he's wrapping his lips around him again. Taking him deeper this time, as much as he can really. And Mingi groans out at the feeling of the heat and fiction on him. Trying his best to not fuck into San's mouth, he holds himself back as he bites his lip and watches the way his cheeks hollow out. The way San hums around his cock in approval of the moans, and the way he looks up to make eye contact has him reeling. Mingi can see his eyes tear up due to the size of him stretching his throat.

Just seeing San around him is much more than what he could have ever imagined. Never fully knowing how San would be with him in an _intimate_ way. But this is more than he could ask for. He was _afraid_ of being too submissive, wondering if San likes to be dominated too. But it seems like they're the exact opposite of what they appear to be outside of the bedroom. He wonders if this is the hardest he's ever been. To the point of his dick feeling _pained_ by the lack of San touching him. But now San's mouth is wrapped so perfectly around his dick, he couldn't look away even to blink.

Mingi is in awe at the very idea of San taking him in like this. Gagging a lot more than he expected, but he can see and feel the eagerness in the way San moves. They've been best friends for years, and out of everyone Mingi has ever fucked-- this is by far the best feeling mouth he's ever had. Maybe it's because it's San. Maybe it's because he's been wanting this so badly but was holding himself back. Who fucking cares.

A string of moans fall from Mingi's lips from time to time, and San continues to try and take him in deeper, deeper, _deeper._ He can feel himself throb in his own pants, gagging on a dick far too big for his throat, constricting and causing Mingi to tug at his hair and buck up a _tiny_ bit into his throat. Only to cause another gag, and another moan.

And it's a cycle of pain and pleasure, San's eyes welling up as he focuses himself to breathe through his nose. Mingi is watching him so closely, he almost blushes because he's never allowed his mouth to be used to this extent. Everyone has a limit. But apparently his limit is much harder to reach for Mingi. Because he looks so pretty, so fixated, and _so desperate_ to see and feel what San can do with his tongue.

San's throat already feels sore, and Mingi is absolutely oblivious to how big he actually is. Because he bucks up ever so slightly at times, and it's not that San doesn't _love it_. It's the fact that his lips are so stretched around him, his throat feels bruised. But the weight of Mingi's dick against his tongue feels so good to him. And he doesn't want to stop. He doesn't want to stop hearing him moan out, or feel his hands in his hair. Even if his own dick is neglected and aching for touch. He can't even bring himself to care or to use his own hand to ease the pain.

Thankfully though, Mingi takes notice in the way San starts to move slowly, and breathes deeply through his nose. He can see the tears on his eyelashes, and very swiftly tugs his hair back and pulls San off of him. The way he looks up at him with his lips swollen and a bit of saliva running down the sides of his mouth, he wants nothing more than to put him right back in place on top of his dick. But San seems slightly thankful, eyebrows furrowing as he cocks his head to the side a bit and continues to look at Mingi.

“I'm okay.” San says trying to assure Mingi that this is what he wants. But his voice comes out sounding as bruised as his throat is.

“You did amazing.” Mingi shushes him as he pulls himself up on his arms. San stays between his legs, feeling a bit at a loss that he chose sucking Mingi's dick over breathing. I mean, he would do it again though.

“Do you want me to touch you now?” And the way Mingi asks for permission, and treats it as if they're _taking turns_ is actually kind of cute. San can feel the ache between his legs, and can only nod his head as the realization hits him that this is exactly what he wants. He wants Mingi. His best friend. And he's finally got him.

Mingi lays him back gently. More gently than anyone else in San's life has ever done. He brushes his hair out of his face, and wipes the pre-cum from the corners of his lips before he leans down and kisses him again, lifting his shirt off of him simultaneously. And the way both of their hair is a mess really just fits the entire scene. Red cheeks, heaving chests, skin slightly dewy from body heat and the release of what's been holding them back.

It's truly as if this isn't even _fucking_. But more than that, and neither of them has ever experienced something like this. Where their needs aren't to be met first, but the other is priority. Even with their eagerness, it's not rushed either. They're desperate for this, but more desperate for it to last. The goal isn't to cum. The goal is to just. . . be together for the very first time. To offer as much as they can give, and to totally surrender themselves. To lay it all out. Their feelings, their bodies, all of it. Vulnerable. They're vulnerable to each other, and it feels _right._

“H-how do you-” Mingi catches his breath for a moment, realizing he hasn't breathed properly since San's lips were on him. He feels selfish, knowing the smaller man is likely still trying to catch his own breath. “How do you want me to touch you?”

San revels in the question alone, feeling loved in this small moment where what he wants to feel matters. He wonders why it took them this long to feel like this. He wonders why Mingi suddenly wanted this so badly after years of never even considering it. He feels so happy and confident in this.

He says nothing in response, only laces his fingers with Mingi's for a short moment before really looking into his eyes. Wanting to hear him moan again, he almost wants to lay him back down and just let his throat be abused. But Mingi is insisting. And San can't refuse because his dick is still throbbing.

“Are we—really going to do this?” San asks, not wanting to take too much of him but needing the confirmation that Mingi wants to give it all to him tonight.

“I really fucking hope so.” Mingi says back in a tone that leaves no room for doubt.

“Yeah?”

Mingi nods his head, still waiting for San to tell him how he wants to be touched. They have all night to explore each other, but he wants to do it right the first time. He wants San to come back for more.

“Tell me how you want me to touch you, please.”

The fact that Mingi seems more desperate to touch him than to be touched himself makes San feel butterflies.

“I want you to use your fingers. . .” And the way he says it is almost too _meek_ to come from him. Given the confidence he's had through this whole ordeal, he's really feeling shy needing to tell Mingi what he wants. Because usually men just do what they want with him. Moving too fast, not using enough lube, not allowing him to adjust. He's gotten used to that, and it's not that he didn't enjoy it. It's just the fact that he's never really been prepped properly due to fast hands and a passion that screams _“now!”_. He admits to having men move too fast with him too. Knowing that he will adjust at some point and it wont hurt as much. This is new. And it will feel good.

Mingi is pleased, leaning himself back and shuffling to help San take his pants off. He takes in the view of him yet again. Seeing his dick, hard and lying heavy against his stomach on instinct Mingi wraps his hand around him, just for a bit. Just to see how big his hands are holding onto him. And San winces at the touch. He gives a gentle squeeze just to revel in how hard San feels against his hand. And then he's letting go, San barely able to chase the friction he had for just a moment. Knowing it's not what he asked for in the first place, so he can't complain.

He likes the way Mingi moves slowly, almost lazily. And he isn't sure if he should just stay put or if he should get on his knees or something for easy access. After days of no communication, it's almost as if they don't even need to talk right now. Because while San is wondering if he should roll over Mingi is already tracing his hand down. Brushing his dick ever so slightly, and gently teasing at his entrance. He doesn't press, or put any pressure. He just touches and darts his eyes to the table by San's head.

Mingi keeps his fingers in place as he elongates his body and hovers directly over San with ease to open the drawer there and pull out a small bottle of lube. San wants to laugh.

“Well prepared man, huh?” And he laughs into it, looking up at Mingi who darts his eyes down to him to make eye contact.

“Jerking off doesn't feel good when it's dry~” He almost sings back to him in a joking tone, but he was serious.

San realizes that sometimes Mingi brings dates over, but more often than not he just stays at their place. Which kind of makes sense now, realizing how soft this man actually is. Knowing he would never be the first to invite someone back to his room. He's kind of pleased to see the lube mostly full, but he isn't sure if that's because it's barely used or because he's gone through several bottles jerking off and that's just the newest one.

“Thank you.” San finally says back, eyeing the way Mingi pulls his fingers up and lets some drip onto them. He rubs them together slightly as to warm it up before touching him again.

Mingi kind of smirks, making sure his fingers are properly lubed to start. He is careful not to spill or drip any on San's exposed stomach. And the way he very gently places his fingers back against him still causes a shiver to run down San's body. Mingi can see it, he can see it in the way San's eyes instantly darken and the way he spreads his legs a tiny bit more. Which technically makes it harder for Mingi to get his fingers in, but he doesn't mind.

He keeps himself locked above San, arm reaching down between his thighs as he allows his wrist to gently press against his cock. He teases his fingers around a bit more before finally pressing one inside. Sigh gasps a bit. Feeling the warmth of his fingers inside of him for the first time. He feels like all of his blood is rushing directly to his dick.

San watches the way Mingi's arm flexes as he holds himself above him, and the way his other shoulder gently moves as he begins to push his finger in deeper. They make eye contact again and Mingi is fucking _blushing_. The room is quiet, the rest of the apartment is dark. But honestly Mingi's eyes are lighting up the entire world right now. San wants to just-- _absolutely spoil this man._

Mingi breaks eye contact to look down San's body. Realizing how soft he is, how feminine he acts versus the toned and slightly muscular body he flaunts. He feels incredibly lucky to be touching him right now. And when he pulls his finger out in preparation to push in another digit along side it, San touches his face. And he stops in his tracks for a moment, losing all train of thought. They just look at each other.

“Mingi--” San whispers out to him, kind of tucking his hand into the crook of Mingi's neck. “You don't have to be so gentle with me, but I love that you are.”

Mingi looks down, hair falling in front of his eyes as he instantly pressed both fingers into San without hesitation or a hint of the slowness he'd had before. San ruts his hips forward in response to the sudden intrusion, feeling an intense amount of pressure as his dick ruts against Mingi's arm. He could barely moan, slightly choking at the feelings and nearly rolling his eyes back.

“If you don't want me to be gentle-” Mingi starts, thrusting his fingers into him a few more times and knowing San can't process a word he's saying. “Tell me how you want it.”

And he doesn't. San just reacts at this point. Realizing Mingi must like being told what to do and how to please someone. So he doesn't hesitate to whimper out “ _another_ ” and “ _deeper”._ The best part is that Mingi does it so perfectly, with a confidence most men don't have if they're being guided. Because usually that's a blow to their ego. To be told how to touch someone as if they don't know how to. San thinks Mingi is the only man he ever wants to let touch him again.

Mingi has three fingers inside of San and his lips attached to his neck. But at this angle his fingers are cramped and beginning to hurt. He continues to scissor them out as to loosen up the tight walls of San's body to allow more space. The man keeps crying out “ _deeper”_ and Mingi thinks this is as deep as he can go. But to see San wiggle beneath him, rutting against his wrist and causing his fingers to slide out at times is an incredibly attractive image. Because he reacts so well, and whines so beautifully.

Fingers aren't enough anymore. Mingi wants more. Want to hear San be louder, more desperate for him. So with one last kiss to his neck, Mingi is sure to brush his fingers against the small lump of nerves inside of San as he pulls his fingers out. Without a word he flips him over.

“If you want me to go deeper-” Mingi explains with a breath. “I need you to be on your knees, is that okay?”

San is over the moon. But he will absolutely make fun of Mingi later for asking permission to go deeper, even after been told to do it numerous times. And he easily props himself up on his knees, lying his face against the pillows as he feels his cock hanging heavy between his legs. He can see it shining with pre-cum, and he wants to cry the moment Mingi slips three of his fingers back into him. Intentionally brushing the sweet spot inside of him and acting as if he doesn't know he's doing it.

Quivering into the pillows, San feels like he's going to lose it if he keeps hitting _that spot_ inside of him so fucking flawlessly. He doesn't hold back his moans, he couldn't even if he wanted to. With the way Mingi uses one hand to spread him open for him, and the other to fuck into him as if his life depended on it. He suddenly wants to see his face again. He wants to see Mingi's eyes when he realizes he's literally falling apart at his fingers.

Mingi is reveling in the slight amount of control he has right now, seeing the way San's legs shake a bit, and the way he nuzzles his face into the pillow as if he doesn't know how to use his voice. Mingi likes that the part the best though, when he tries to moan but no sound comes out. A furrowed brow and hair a mess, all while on his knees and fully exposed for a man who genuinely whats to have much _less_ control right now.

He looks down at the exposed hole, fingers slipping in and out with ease by this point. Mingi continues to prod at the sweet spot inside of him as he licks his lips. He knows San didn't ask him to, or tell him this is what he wants. But honestly, how could he not right now?

San's ass is beautiful. It may not be the biggest. But it still jiggles in a way that makes Mingi want to squeeze it just to see his hand against the skin there.

And San's skin has a subtle honey color hidden behind the smoothness of his skin, his ass slightly pale compared to the rest of his body. He can still see the warmth in him, and the fact that he doesn't think anyone could ever fully appreciate him like this. He's a fucking _snack_.

A breath hitches in San's throat when he feels Mingi's breath against him and before he can even tilt his head to look back at him, he can feel Mingi's tongue immediately fucking into him along side his fingers. And just the wetness of it is enough to send a different type of sensation through his body. He moans out in approval, and that's all Mingi needed to continue. He swirls his tongue around the hole, and pulls his fingers out to use the pad of his tongue to lap at him for a few moments.

He uses both hands to spread him open, eagerly burying his tongue into him. And San is just fucking amazing because everything about Mingi is _big_. His tongue may not make it deep, or put a lot of pressure on him. But the sudden difference in sensation sends him over the edge and he shoots his hand down to grip himself.

Mingi notices the way San wastes no time in pumping himself, so he's quick to place his fingers back into him. He moves to hover over him and reaches around to replace his hand. Trying to move his fingers and his hand simultaneously just to see how San unravels and nearly loses the ability to stay on his knees.

He notes that he will just have to eat him out another time, because apparently that's something San can't handle without having _more_. But he's not mad. He enjoys the way San has his hand placed on his, feeling the way he's jerking him off. And he can feel the way he presses back against his fingers, clearly ready. Clearly wanting it.

Mingi had nearly forgotten about his own, feeling like that blow job happened _hours_ ago. He wonders if he's loosened San enough. Wonders if he can continue, if he can go further. But he doesn't have to ask, because not even a full minute later San couldn't take it anymore. He wants more. And riding Mingi's fingers isn't enough now. Feeling his dick being squeezed and pulled by a hand much bigger than his own will make him cum too fast. And that would be a shame. He wants control again, and Mingi isn't furthering it himself anymore.

San pushes Mingi's hand off of him, and pulls himself up causing himself to feel incredibly empty with the absence of fingers. He pays no mind to it as he turns himself around and is pulling Mingi into a kiss, twisting him around and practically falling on top of the man.

“Ah!” Mingi shouts in half confusion, half pain for having hit his head against the headboard.

San giggles into him, as he throws one let over his lap and straddles him more perfectly than the night they made out. Both of their cocks touching, and San tries not to notice the sheer difference in their sizes. Thankfully he doesn't have to, because with one hand Mingi grips them both, and thrusts up and San leans in for a heated kiss.

He can feel Mingi's cock rub up against his own as he thrusts up, practically jerking them both off, he's never experienced this before and it has him moaning into the open mouthed kiss. Feeling so sensitive, and so ready, San reaches behind him and searches the bed blindly with his hands for the lube. He leaves his lips connected, wondering if he'll ever find the fucking bottle. But he does find it eventually, and it's tucked near Mingi's thigh.

Sensations running wild as Mingi picks up pace with rutting against him, hand clasped tightly around them. He releases low moans into San's mouth and completely ignores the sound of the bottle clicking open. He ignores the ice cold feeling of lube spilling all over the both of them and his hand. He continues to thrust up, chasing the feeling and closing his eyes and he completely loses himself in the moment.

“Mingi,” San starts in a whisper against his lips, heaving in a breath and releasing a groan. “I want-”

Mingi opens his eyes, but still keeps his lips in place as he realizes what's about to happen. It's going to happen. They're going to do this. They're _really_ going to do this. And now he's blushing, and feeling small. Wondering if he went a bit too crazy just now, thinking maybe he was being selfish.

“A-ah, sorry. . “ Mingi stutters when he says it, and lets his hand fall from them. It had felt so good he nearly forgot where he was for a moment. It's not long before he realized he had nothing to be sorry for though. Because San's small hands are running up and down his length, lubing him perfectly.

“Don't be, I liked that.” He looks at Mingi for a moment and smiles. Dimple showing ever so slightly. “I really liked that.”

Mingi feels like he doesn't need to respond, he's pleased. He's glad. He's relieved that when he _does_ take a bit of control, it doesn't work against him. He doesn't get laughed at, or treated like he doesn't know what he's doing. He's allowed to indulge with San, and get lost in it if he wants to.

“Is this okay?” San asks as he lifts himself slightly and grips Mingi in a way to position him. All he can do is nod in response and prepare himself for the tightness that's about to envelope him. He knows he wont last.

San slowly lowers himself. He really thought it would hurt a lot more as he lowered himself inch by inch. Wondering why he isn't needing to adjust more with a dick _this big_ inside of him. And then he remembers the fact that Mingi had prepped him so fucking good he nearly came from that alone. And when he bottoms out, he sits for a moment. Just feeling full, feeling a burn that very slowly fades away. And the way Mingi twitches inside of him makes him feel like he's being stretched beyond what's possible. But it doesn't hurt, in fact he wishes he could just sit here like this and enjoy the feeling of being absolutely filled.

Mingi can't handle it on the other hand, squeezing his eyes shut and letting his mouth fall slack as San bottomed out on him. He can feel his ears pop with the feeling of San totally enveloping and closing in on him. He can't stop from twitching, his dick begging for room to move.

San can feel him already hitting the sweet spot when he finally pulls himself up, Mingi's dick brushing against it each time he moves, his legs are already shaking. And he braces his hands against Mingi's chest as he prepares himself to _fucking wreck himself_.

As expected, it hurt when San lowered himself again. Moving slowly at first until the burn subsided and he was able to quicken his pace. Mingi has been falling apart beneath him this whole time. Cooing at the way San begins to perfectly bounce on top of him. The tightness around his dick not loosening one bit, but starting to feel like the _right way_ to be ridden.

Mingi moves his hands to San's hips, just watching and feeling the way he moves his body on top of him. And the way he throws his head back each time he fully lowers himself. San is quite literally fucking himself on his dick. And he couldn't be more happy about it. He wants him to feel good, and if this is what he likes, then Mingi has decided that he likes it too.

San picks up his pace rather quickly, and Mingi is feeling overwhelmed at the sensation of San in general. Having all of him. He can't help but moan out each time he tightens around him, each time he slips out, and each time he's fully taken in again. The fact that San took all of it so quickly, and is so eagerly bouncing himself up and down is a sight to take in.

The way his hair falls, and the way his mouth falls open has Mingi almost over the edge. Licking his lips in anticipation. He's almost there as San positions himself to position Mingi as _deep_ as he can go, and grinds down hard.

San loses himself in the feeling, Mingi's dick hitting the bundle of nerves _perfectly_ and causing him to instantly see stars. Shocking himself as he cums, he can't control his legs. He can't control his voice. He cries out, and Mingi is in shock.

Incredibly turned on by the very image of San cumming all over him, and the way he is quivering on top of him Mingi has to force himself not to fuck into him right now. Because San is still tensing around him, and he rolls his head to look at Mingi.

“Keep going.” San pleads, for some reason wanting more. Wanting Mingi to have more of him. Angry at himself and pretending it didn't even fucking happen. Because honestly, _how_ did he _accidentally_ cum five minutes into it?

“A-are you sure?” Mingi is a bit worried, but holds his hips in place as he gently thrusts into him.

San bites his lip in a wince, and nods his head.

“Please, go faster,”

Mingi obeys, still turned on by the pools of cum running down his chest, and the way San is instantly begging to be fucked more. Even as his dick is slowly softening. He does as he's told, and fucks into San with all he's got. Hearing him moan each time he thrusts in, almost out of breath. Mingi can't stop now. Fucking into San rough and fast, seeing the way his body just takes it, and the way he whimpers out in pain but begs for more.

He pulls pulls San down to his level, allowing him to rest against his chest there. Even with the cum, San doesn't seem to mind. Lying against him as he whines and moans against him with each thrust as Mingi goes as deep as he can.

“You sound so pretty.” Mingi whispers against San's hair. Goosebumps raising against his skin when San hums in response. Eyes wet and mouth slack.

“P-please, go harder.” San whines out again, feeling the burning turn again to pleasure. Almost ready to pull himself up again and continue to ride him. Having Mingi inside of him felt so good. He's sensitive, but _goddamn_ Mingi knows how to use his body.

Mingi obeys again, nearly running out of breath. Sweat running down his arms as he tightly holds San in place. He thinks a bruise may appear later, and it will be a pretty reminder.

San continues to moan against him, his chest still flush with Mingi's, he feels himself blush at the words of Mingi saying he _sounds pretty_. He's not even _trying_ to moan. It's just something that happens when you get fucked this good he guesses.

“San--” He moans out in a whisper, his hips stuttering “I really, really, want to cum inside of you.”

Perking up, San lifts his head and instantly attaches his lips to Mingi's neck.

“I want you to do whatever you want.” San whispers back to him.

And _instantly_ he is pressing San into him, holding his hips ontop of him as he thrusts one last time into him. San tries to wiggle his ass a bit on him, causing the bigger man's hips to stutter more and wince at the sensitivity as he releases. Mingi barely makes a sound as he cums, forgetting to breathe as he feels like he unloads for a solid minute into him.

And when San gently pulls himself off of him, he winces again. Feeling as if his dick has been abused and then overstimulated out of no where. It's the kind of torture you could only wish to feel.

“I uh--” San wobbles as he grabs his shirt off of the floor and dabs at the dried cum on Mingi's chest. “I didn't mean to cum so fast. .”

Mingi laughs at him, and just pulls him back down into the bed. They're a fucking mess, no point in cleaning it up right now.

“I'm just glad it wasn't me. Because for real--” Mingi laughs at him, but tries to make him feel better. “If you didn't, I would have.”

San smiles at that, happy that there seems to be no hidden disappointment at the fact that he was practically a trembling mess the entire time when _he_ was supposed to be the one in control. _He_ was supposed to be the one fucking onto Mingi so well that he starts crying. What a shame.

“So--” Mingi says, looking down at San's fucked out face and red cheeks.

“So. . .” San adds, looking up at him. “Is this going to be like. . a thing?”

“I'm not free, you have to date me if you want to keep doing this.” Mingi finally just says it. Half as a joke, but mostly seriously.

“Damn, here I was thinking I could just ditch you and never call you back.” San laughs with a small slap at Mingi's shoulder. Feeling a bit different now that this has happened, but wanting to keep the whole best-friend thing going too. “But honestly.”

“I'm cool with that if you are?”

Mingi nods, and so that's that. They're dating now, and it only took several months of awkward boners, weird make out sessions, and 20 minutes of fingering.

Nice.


End file.
